Fruitcake and Muffin's Nutty Frenemyship
by Nate Grey
Summary: The continuing adventures of the Frenemies, AJ Lee and Paige. First up, how AJ's last night on RAW should have unfolded: with a final match against her greatest rival and best friend.
1. Fruitcake vs Muffin

Notes: I don't usually do pro wrestling stories. But I'm a big PaiJ fan for several reasons. And me being male, they're probably exactly the reasons you think they are.

Warning: This assumes that the in-ring personas, AJ Lee and Paige, are somewhat exaggerated and yet still surprisingly accurate versions of the people who actually portray them. Which, if you believe Total Divas, is fairly true for most Divas. In other words, much flirting, cutesy pet naming, and acts of questionable sanity follow.

Summary: AJ Lee decides to share her last night on RAW with Paige. In a match. With her "baby" on the line. Even though she's not actually the champion anymore. It's AJ, probably better not to ask too many questions.

* * *

**Fruitcake and Muffin's Nutty Frenemyship **

**A WWE Fanfic by **

**Nate Grey (xman0123-at-aol-dot-com)**  
**Match 1: Fruitcake vs. Muffin**

* * *

The WWE Universe had a certain way of making their feelings known, and on this edition of Monday Night RAW, the current chant said it all.

"DON'T GO, AJ! DON'T GO, AJ! DON'T GO, AJ!"

In the ring, AJ Lee did her best not to shed tears. It was clear to her now that the fans truly loved her. From the overweight man holding up the "Goodbye, Geek Goddess!" sign, to the somber- faced little girl with the "If AJ leaves, I'll be the next one to flip out!" sign.

Of course, there was the occasional attempt to start up a "CM PUNK!" chant, but AJ had long ago decided that this was a sign of how much of a mark her husband had left on the WWE Universe, rather than an attempt at poking fun at her. And even if it had been meant as an insult, she would have happily accepted it as part of her character's gimmick. She loved playing the crazy heel almost as much as she loved playing the crazy face.

Which, now that she really thought about it, probably meant something.

AJ pushed those thoughts from her mind as she raised the microphone in her hand. "I always knew that you guys loved me, but I never knew there were so many AJ addicts around here."

"AJ ADDICTS!" the crowd immediately begin to chant.

AJ patiently waited for them to finish, a small smirk on her lips. "AJ addicts, now trending worldwide, and soon to be featured on T-shirts available through WWE Shop," she thought happily.

"As I'm sure you all know, I'm retiring from in-ring competition. Don't worry, I'll still be around, as the new, exclusive commentator for the Divas division! That means that whenever a WWE Diva is in the ring, I'll be on-hand to give JBL and Cole a woman's perspective, and I'll make sure that Jerry appreciates the Divas for more than their dynamite bodies."

A loud cheer went up at this news, as many had been hoping that AJ would still have an on-screen presence while she remained under contract with the WWE.

"There is one more piece of business in the ring that I'd like to take care of, though," AJ said, her small smile growing unnaturally wide as she cutely tilted her head to one side. "I now think of this person as my partner in crime, since last night at Wrestlemania, we beat the Bellas like they stole something. So, Paige, my little English muffin, could you please join me out here?"

The crowd went nuts even before Paige's music hit, a true sign as to how much they'd been enjoying the "PaiJ" segments over the past year. AJ had to admit that she'd had a lot of fun with them as well. Paige had become both a talented Diva and a dear friend in a short time, and AJ hoped that WWE would allow their "relationship" to continue, even though she would no longer be an active Diva. Triple H, at least, seemed open to the idea of AJ interviewing the Divas, or possibly even continuing to stalk Paige and declaring herself the Anti-Diva's exclusive interviewer.

In what had become true Paige fashion, the Anti-Diva skipped down to the ring. The very sight always made AJ want to laugh. Paige was a lot of things, but made for skipping simply wasn't one of them. Her legs were just a bit too thick and powerful to pull that off well, but no one seemed to mind anymore, as it had become such a defining part of their rivalry.

"Since we're so fond of giving each other food-related pet names, pumpkin," Paige began with a wicked grin, "from now on, I think I'll call you my nutty little fruitcake."

"NUTTY FRUITCAKE!" the crowd began to chant.

AJ rolled her eyes. "Very amusing, Paige. That's just the kind of parting gift I'd expect from you. And I want you to know that I put a lot of thought into my gift for you. I know you don't care for chocolate, and I didn't think you'd appreciate a vacation to anywhere sunny, either." AJ paused to pick up the large gift box at her feet and handed it to Paige, who accepted it warily. "Don't worry, it can't bite you," AJ teased, earning a laugh from the crowd and a glare from Paige, who slowly began to unwrap the box. "I bet I can tell what you're thinking," AJ continued as Paige opened the box, got a good look, and gasped. "But I didn't steal it this time. I had it specially made just for you."

Paige slowly lifted a Divas Championship belt out of the box, but it was immediately obvious to her that this was not the same one currently held by Nikki Bella. At least, if it had been the same one, Nikki would have been absolutely furious to discover that AJ had stolen and altered it. The sideplates now bore obviously new engravings: on the left, "AJ + P = BFF!", and on the right, "PAIJ 4EVR!" Most notably, the top section of the faceplate had been spray-painted with black lettering, so that it now read "Anti-Divas Champion".

It was tacky, horribly unfashionable, and completely embarrassing.

Paige loved it on sight.

And AJ could see that, so she immediately snatched the belt out of Paige's hands.

"What the hell?!" Paige demanded angrily.

AJ beamed at her. "I know you would never want to be handed a title. So even though this isn't an official championship, I'll give you a chance to earn it. If you can beat me tonight, in my last match, then this belt is yours." AJ paused and leaned in close to Paige. "Just think, Paige. You could win _my_ baby. Then she would be... _our_ baby. A baby that _we_ made together. And every time you look at her, you can remember this magical night that you and I shared."

Paige slowly drew back a little. "So, what I'm hearing is that you could have picked anyone to be your last opponent, and you picked me."

"That's right, my sweet little crumpet!" AJ chirped. "So, what do you say?"

Paige nodded confidently. "I say that you better spend all the time you can with your baby now, and make sure you kiss her goodbye. Because she's coming home with her new mum tonight. And every time I look at her, I'll think of how I beat you, again, for the last time."

"Oh, Paige," AJ sighed happily, tapping Paige's chin with a finger, and then slowly dragging it down to her neck. "No matter what happens, I'll never forget how your skin feels against mine." AJ's finger kept sliding lower, heading right for Paige's cleavage.

Paige grabbed the finger tightly, but did not remove it. "You don't get a victory party unless you win, AJ. Don't get greedy on me."

"How about under you?" AJ countered with a smile. "You can be on top if you want."

"PAIGE ON TOP!" the crowd began to chant, causing Paige to laugh and shake her head.

"You know what, AJ?" Paige asked. "Since this is your last night, I want to see how far you'll take this little game of yours. So if I lose, we'll spend the rest of the week doing whatever you want."

"Are you sure about that, Paige? We could end up with _more_ than one baby if we're not careful."

"You only need to worry about the one you'll have to hand over later tonight," Paige assured her, tapping the belt with a finger.

"So you'll take responsibility for the others?" AJ called out as Paige turned to leave.

Paige turned back to AJ, grinned, and leaned in until their noses were almost touching. "AJ, you should really know by now," Paige said as she gently began to twirl some of AJ's hair around her finger. "Whether it comes down to pinning you, making you tap out, or even being your tag-team partner, I'm always up for it. That's what being frenemies is all about. So I'll see you in a bit, fruitcake." Paige tapped AJ lightly on the nose, then left the ring and made her way to the back, accompanied by renewed chants of "NUTTY FRUITCAKE!"

AJ smiled and remained in the ring, staring down at the belt in her hands. For once, she didn't mind at all that this belt wouldn't be hers for much longer. That was how certain she was that Paige would match and eventually dethrone her as a 3-time Divas champion, and how close the two had become in a year's time. In fact, if AJ had been the champion when she decided to retire, she would not have minded losing the title to Paige again. Really, Paige was the only one on the entire roster that AJ would gladly lose to... but only occasionally.

* * *

It happened at what was supposed to be the turning point in the match.

Paige had just tackled AJ through the ropes and onto the floor. After a slow recovery, they were going to climb back into the ring, only for AJ to suddenly gain the upper hand with a Shining Wizard, followed by an attempt at the Black Widow, which Paige would then reverse into a Ram-Paige for the win.

But as Paige slowly started to get to her feet outside the ring, the realization hit her. This would be the last time she and AJ ever worked a match together for some time, possibly ever. She had known that going in, of course, but hadn't really grasped what it meant until that moment.

In a somewhat odd instance of life imitating art, Paige actually had come to love AJ, both as a mentor and a friend. And if not for the fact that they were both involved with other people, Paige felt sure that their storyline would have become a lot more realistic than either of them had been prepared for. She was definitely attracted to AJ, and though AJ was a very talented actress, Paige felt sure that the feeling was at least somewhat mutual. Neither had dared to explore it, of course, and now there would likely not even be a chance to discuss it. AJ had promised to stay in touch after she left, and she might still make an occasional appearance backstage, but she was largely going to be supporting her husband in his new career, and possibly starting a family.

It would probably be a great life, and AJ definitely deserved to have it. Paige even wanted her to have it. But she knew now that she wanted, more than that, for AJ to stay: if not with WWE, then at least with her. AJ would never agree to that after all she had been through, and Paige would never ask her to.

Paige was thankful, in that moment, for three things: for her long hair, how much she was sweating, and the fact that it was completely in-character for her to be crying during AJ's last match. Suddenly, the pain in her body was nothing compared to the ache in her heart, and she knew that there was just no way she could finish this match. Not the was she was supposed to, at least.

* * *

Up on the ramp, Natalya could tell from Paige's abruptly jerky movements that something was very wrong. She couldn't be sure from that distance, but the most likely explanation was that Paige had hurt herself during the fall out of the ring.

"It just hit her," said a voice at her side.

Natalya glanced at John Cena, still marginally surprised by his presence. When she had volunteered herself as a special enforcer in order to keep the Bella twins from interfering, she had certainly never expected Cena of all people to join her, since he was dating Nikki Bella. If he was to be believed, he had done it out of fondness for AJ, which Nikki probably wasn't too happy about, either. On the other hand, Natalya had mainly volunteered because she felt she owed AJ for the times she'd distracted Paige, allowing Natalya to get a quick pin or cheap shot.

"You think she can pass it off as an injury?" Natalya finally asked.

"Don't think it'll matter either way," he replied. "Nobody would blame her if this was too much for her."

* * *

AJ had started to climb back into the ring when she noticed that Paige was not following her. Instead, Paige was just leaning against the ring, her head hung low as she panted heavily.

AJ waited for a few more seconds, very much aware that the referee was still counting, but Paige didn't budge, and clearly was in no hurry to change that. Now sure that something was wrong, AJ hopped down to the floor and approached Paige, who suddenly let out a loud sob and yanked AJ into a crushing embrace. For a wild moment, AJ mistook it for a bear hug and tensed up, but the very real tears on her shoulder and the way Paige's body was shuddering against hers told her otherwise.

"Sorry," Paige murmured in her ear. "I can't-"

"It's okay," AJ whispered, reaching up to stroke Paige's hair. "I'll miss you, too, muffin."

Paige's response was a half-sob, half-snort.

Though this particular finish wasn't in the script, AJ could see that Paige was in no condition to get back into the ring. In any case, there was no time, so AJ merely returned the hug, and let the referee count them both out and call for the bell. Fortunately, she was pretty sure that she could finish the segment without Paige saying anything. Unfortunately, AJ was pretty much the only one who knew that would be the case. But she was hoping the announce team would pick up the slack, and she was right.

Lillian Garcia quickly announced the double count-out, and Jerry Lawler walked over from the announcer's table, carrying a microphone and the Anti-Divas belt. "Well, ladies, that was quite a match!" he said. "But we don't exactly have a winner here. So who gets to keep your belt, er, baby, AJ?"

AJ glanced up at Paige, who was still too choked up to do more than cling to her, and replied, "I think we can agree to share custody." She accepted the belt from Jerry and put it on Paige's shoulder.

Jerry shrugged. "Okay, we'll go with that! Here are your winners and, I guess, co-Anti-Divas Champions, AJ Lee and Paige, the Frenemies!"

* * *

As bad as Paige had felt during the match, she felt even worse after it, back in the locker room. AJ wasn't making it any easier by cheerfully insisting that everything was fine. Paige felt like screaming at her to drop the act, but she knew that while AJ's in-ring persona was an exaggeration of how she normally was, it wasn't that much of one. She was happy and bright much of the time, but also unpredictable when the mood struck her. Which made it very difficult to stay depressed around her, something Paige hadn't minded until now.

"It went fine," AJ said for the tenth time. "Everybody thought you were just really sad to see me go, and you are, so there's no problem. Stephanie even stopped me in the hall and said it couldn't have gone better if we'd meant for it to happen that way."

"She was probably just being nice because you're leaving, AJ," Paige sighed.

AJ shook her head. "Trust me, when you're on your way out, nice is one thing they don't have to be. If Stephanie had a problem with it, you'd know by now. Just let it go and move on."

"Like you are?" Paige murmured, not really expecting AJ to hear her.

"Yes, exactly like I am," AJ replied at once. "I had a good run here, and yours has just barely started. Don't forget to have a good time because of one night where you weren't on top of your game. It happens."

"But I feel like I let you down, AJ! You've been so great since I got here, helping me out and teaching me-"

"There wasn't that much to teach," AJ interrupted. "Between your family and NXT, you were pretty well-prepared. I just gave you a crash course on moving up to the main stage. Any Diva could have done that."

"But it wasn't _any_ Diva," Paige said softly. "It was _you_."

AJ paused and took a good, long look at her. "This isn't just about me leaving, is it? What's really bothering you, Paige?"

"Nothing, I just need some time to adjust."

"Paige, I know you spend more time with the other Divas, so maybe I'm not your closest friend around here, but I at least thought we were too close for you to lie to me. And just so you know, we are close enough that I can tell when you're lying. Because it's written all over your face right now. So is this really how you want to end things tonight, or do you want to tell me the truth?"

Paige opened her mouth to deny it, but spotting the stern look on AJ's face, she just couldn't go through with it. "It's just... don't make me say it, AJ!"

AJ smiled and gently took Paige's hands. "I think I have to, muffin. I have a feeling that if I don't, you never will. And maybe you could live with that, but do you really want to?"

"No," Paige whispered.

"Why don't we do it like this?" AJ offered. "I'll guess what it is that you want to say, and you just let me know when I'm warm or cold, okay?"

Paige hesitantly nodded.

"Well, since you're suddenly shy about it, and you're never shy, I'm guessing it's really personal. And if you can't even tell me, then it must involve me, because you're worried about what I'll say. Which is silly, because I love you to pieces, and I bet we'll be laughing over this in a few days. But I wish you'd just told me that you had a crush on me, Paige. I wouldn't have gotten mad at you or anything."

Paige's eyes widened. "You knew?!"

AJ nodded. "I suspected, and the other girls told me. Like, _all_ of them. Seriously, you need better friends, they're total gossip hens."

"I can't believe them! Why would they-"

"Why didn't _you_ tell me?" AJ interrupted softly.

Paige blushed. "How could I? You were engaged, now you're married, and what good would it have done?"

"Paige, a secret like that is a constant weight on you. It impacts your health, your job, everything you do to some degree. I'm not saying it would have been easy for you to tell me, or even easy for me to handle, but at least we would have been together in it. It really bothers me that you didn't feel comfortable talking to me about this. It makes me worried that we won't talk like we used to in the future. I don't want that, do you?"

"No, of course not! But I didn't want to do anything to mess up your marriage!"

"Muffin, there's a big difference between talking about your crush on me, and me crawling into bed with you. You must really be confusing me with my character, if you're worried about that. Which I'm going to take as a compliment to my acting skills, but I'm still mad at you for not telling me about this."

"But, Phil is-"

"Is my issue, and I'll deal with him, whatever happens. But since you are so worried, I'll just tell you now: this isn't going to change how he feels about me. If anything, he might invite you over for dinner in hopes of something happening between the three of us. The only thing he likes better than crazy chicks are multiple, open-minded crazy chicks."

Paige stared at her, more than a little surprised. "Um... and what about you? How open-minded are you, exactly?"

"Not very," AJ admitted. "Kissing on the job is okay, within reason. But I'm glad it won't be an issue anymore."

"So he didn't like it when we kissed?"

"Oh, he _loved_ that. Recorded all of our matches, and yours, too. But I don't want to set a precedent of that being okay. That isn't something I want to get used to, or want used against me later on."

"That's good, then?" Paige asked uncertainly.

AJ smiled. "Sorry. I didn't mean for it to come out that way. I did enjoy our mushy little moments, Paige. And I'm glad they were with you, instead of someone else."

Paige shook her head and shut her eyes. "Don't tell me that, AJ. This is hard enough already."

"Sorry again. But I wanted you to know that I do care about you that way, at least a little. So it's not that I hadn't ever considered it, or that I didn't think we would have worked. This is just the way things turned out. I hope that's not going to keep us from being friends?"

"No, it won't," Paige sighed, opening her eyes. "I wouldn't let that happen."

"I'm glad to hear that," AJ said sweetly, just before her voice took on an edge. "Because if you make me have to stalk you in order to spend time with you, it could get a little awkward."

Paige laughed and hugged AJ. "I think I'm pretty used to you stalking me already. I still get chills every time I hear your music."

AJ grinned at her. "Make it your ringtone for me."

"What? No, I-"

"Do it," AJ whispered, letting just enough crazy slip into her voice to make Paige nervous.

"S-Sure, whatever you want, AJ."

AJ beamed at her, all traces of hostility instantly gone. "That's more like it, muffin."

**End of Match 1.**

* * *

Endnotes:

Originally, I was going to use this section to complain that AJ's exit was basically accompanied by a rather long mention, instead of a fantastic video package or a standout final match (6-or-more Diva tag matches do not count). But since then, WWE has added an extensive and fitting AJ tribute to their website, and I no longer feel justified in pointing out the lack of a farewell simply because of her desire to be Mrs. Punk, so I'll shut up about it.

Why did I do this? Because AJ was the only Diva I bothered to watch in recent memory, until she started feuding-friending-whatevering with Paige, which bumped the number up to two. And now there's just Paige, but with no one to flirt back with her, and the title on a Bella, I don't know how long my interest will last. I don't expect the Naomi push to pan out, I have very low expectations where the proper handling of certain women in WWE is concerned. To clarify, I'm not calling WWE racist. I have merely observed that three different former Divas decided to become (and may still be, I haven't checked since the recent channel switch) Impact Wrestling Knockouts, all held at least one championship there before or after their stay in WWE, and two seem to prove my theory somewhat. You get an invisible, tasteless, nonexistent cookie if you can name them.

My only real complaint about the AJ/Paige storyline (other than there not being a team belt for them to have won) is that a final match with them, as a team, or especially a singles match against each other, would have been a perfect note for AJ's career to end on. So perfect that it wouldn't matter who won, or if there was a winner at all. A 6-Diva tag, on the other hand... I still don't see what the point was, even if they hadn't known AJ's decision when they booked it.

I have been a fan of pro wrestling since I was a kid. Now, I appreciate it more for the so-called drama than the wrestling. For example, it doesn't bother me that AJ's version of the Shining Wizard isn't exactly like the Great Muta's. I doubt he created it with a petite woman in mind, and AJ is not a legendary foreign wrestler, so I would be beyond shocked if she could do anything exactly like he did. What matters to me is if either one can hold my attention, and they did (though in Muta's case, it IS purely because of the wrestling). To anyone who thinks AJ is no good in the ring, I can only say two things. First, she entertained me just by talking half of the time, and that's her job. Second, Mick Foley thinks she was good. Which may not mean anything to you, since he's not a female wrestler. Personally, I think any man who can get tossed off the top of a steel cage, crash through a table, and still form complete sentences after, has auto-invalidation power on any argument. But I happen to also like Mick, so I'm biased.

To anyone who thinks AJ is a quitter, I say this. The Undertaker is the only wrestler from the original RAW still even sort of active in WWE (thank you, Bret Hart, for pointing that out). And much as I love him and always will, I wish he would quit. I grew up, and I'm now aware that he is human and, more importantly, has aged. The first time I saw him unable to leave Wrestlemania under his own power, it broke my heart. And that was a few Wrestlemanias ago, when the streak was still intact. So I will never fault any wrestler for leaving while they can walk straight, or in support of a loved one, or because they've had enough. I've seen the alternative, and it is never pretty.


	2. Paige (with Big E) vs CM Punk (with AJ)

Summary: Paige struggles to accept and find a place for herself in AJ's married life.

* * *

**Fruitcake and Muffin's Nutty Frenemyship **

**A WWE Fanfic by **

**Nate Grey (xman0123-at-aol-dot-com)**  
**Match 2: Paige (with Big E) vs. CM Punk (with AJ)**

* * *

Though AJ only served as a commentator for a few months, it had a major impact on the WWE's broadcast team. She was such a big hit that Divas were given a permanent seat at the announcer's table. This gave Divas some much-needed additional TV time, and allowed the ones that were still recovering from injuries to reconnect with the fans.

None of that, however, changed AJ's mind about leaving WWE, not even when she was offered a new contract as a full-time commentator.

Paige was crushed, having tried everything she could think of to make AJ stay, short of locking her in a room. They had at least discussed their feelings for each other, but AJ remained firm on their being friends and nothing more. Although, as it turned out, AJ's definition of friendly behavior allowed for prolonged stalking, unannounced visits to each other's homes, hugs that lasted too long to be entirely innocent, and kisses that landed rather close to the mouth. So Paige could not deny that she was largely happy with the arrangement. She just wasn't happy that AJ wouldn't be around as much.

"You're being silly," AJ told her. "If you ever really need to see me, just take some time off, hop a plane to Chicago, and you can tag along with me at whatever I'm doing at the time. And I'll come visit you and the girls backstage whenever you come to town, or when I have some free time. It's not the end of the world, muffin."

"Hearing you call me that in person isn't the same as hearing it over the phone, or reading it in a text, though," Paige complained.

"Which is why I told you to come see me whenever you want, Paige! We've talked about this so many times already."

"I don't want to miss you. I don't want you to go, AJ."

AJ rolled her eyes. "You are being such a baby. You're so lucky I think it's cute on you."

Paige glared at her. "AJ, don't make fun of me right now!"

"I kinda have to, Paige. You have other girlfriends, and they're going to support you when I leave, just like they've been doing from the start. I've given you every possible way there is to contact me at any hour of the day. So unless you want to quit WWE and move in with me, there's nothing else I can do for you. You're just going to have to be a big girl. Stay in-character all the time, if that helps you deal with it. You're more than tough enough to handle this. No pun intended."

"But-"

AJ slapped her hand over Paige's mouth. "Nope, no more whining from you. This is happening, Paige, and you just need to deal with it." She paused and lowered her voice. "I know you love me lots, muffin, and I love you, too. But if you're going to be in my life, you have to tone down the clingy stuff. At least long enough for me to actually leave. I promise I'll text you as soon as I'm a mile away." When Paige nodded her agreement, AJ removed her hand.

"Sorry. It's just, you really mean a lot to me, AJ."

"Well, of course, it's _me_!" AJ said, giving her a smug smile. "You'll be fine, Paige, I just know it. Eventually, you'll know it, too."

* * *

_A Few Months Later_

Paige was drunk. Not falling down drunk, because she was already stretched out across a bed. Not tossing cookies drunk, because if she had done that already, then she didn't remember it, and she didn't feel sick, exactly. Not brawling drunk, either, because she felt too fuzzy to hold a decent grudge at the moment.

No, Paige was what the girls tended to call missing AJ drunk. Which was nice, in that it made Paige quiet and reflective, but bad in that it also made Paige moody and a total buzzkill. If Normal Paige ever met Missing AJ Drunk Paige in a bar, there would be a fight, only one would emerge alive, and that one wouldn't be missing AJ. At least, she wouldn't be so terribly obvious about it.

Not that anyone really blamed Paige. AJ was the sort that fell in love easily, just as she was the sort that people fell for easily. And it was only natural that Paige, who had extremely bad luck with men, would be drawn to another woman. That was all fine and good.

Then came the complications. AJ was happily married, apparently had little to no interest in having an affair with Paige, but still wanted to remain Paige's best friend. Admittedly, Paige wanted that, too. It was just that she was also hoping to expand that into a very long and fun night, possibly with Drunk and Messy AJ, who, if she existed, would probably be a lot more flexible on having an affair. And to be fair, if they could manage that without completely wrecking AJ's marriage, Paige was all for it. She liked AJ's husband, which was to say that she trusted him to keep AJ happy, and did not harbor detailed fantasies about accidentally causing him bodily harm. Most of those were on purpose, and in any case, Paige could control those impulses largely because AJ wouldn't approve. If AJ wanted her husband injured, Paige was confident that she could manage it on her own. Still, if AJ ever desired help with that, Paige would be happy to tag in.

They were partners still, Paige decided. She thought AJ felt the same, or hoped she did. And there were ways to test that. It took a little effort, but Paige managed to dig her phone out of her pocket. It was tricky, because there was a warm, female body lying on Paige's arm, and it grunted a bit when she jostled it, but otherwise did not complain. Paige pressed a single key on the phone, and waited. The fuzziness, which had earlier clouded her brain but had been gradually fading, returned in full force the moment she heard AJ's happy voice.

"Muffin, hi! How are you?"

"Hey, AJ," Paige whispered, unable to suppress a smile, and hoping the desperate need in her voice was not too obvious. "I'm good."

"Really? You sound a little drunk."

"Maybe a little," Paige admitted. "I went out with Foxy, Rosa, and Nikki. There was a bar, and drinking, and... um, peanuts. Possibly pretzels."

"You forgot the drunk texting. There was that."

Paige blinked slowly. "Huh?"

AJ giggled. "Phil and I were snuggled up, watching a movie. My phone buzzed, and I was comfortable, so I made him pick it up. It was you, saying that you loooooooove me. And when four letter words come with eleven letters, I figure you're probably drunk."

Paige winced. "Oh. I don't remember that."

"Shocking. I figured you were with the girls, and that Foxy might have borrowed your phone to play a little prank. But you went on to ask if you could please come over and make out with me. Then I knew it was you, Foxy's never polite."

"Um." Paige wasn't sure what to do with that. "This was _after_ Phil had given you the phone and gone back to the movie, right?" she asked weakly.

"Nope." AJ sounded amused, but Paige assumed it was fake, or forced.

"I'm so, _so_ sorry, AJ!" she wailed.

"It's fine, muffin. I'm not mad, and Phil thought it was hilarious. Asked if he could watch, the big perv."

"You're really not mad?"

"I'm really not."

"Promise?"

"Promise. But out of curiosity, were you really going to come over if I said yes? Only I heard you guys were in Canada this week, and the thought of you trying to jump on a plane in that condition, not too smart."

Paige blushed. "Well, I was drunk. Didn't know what I was saying."

"Doubt it. You do love me, and you do want to make out with me. You just wouldn't normally say it so boldly. And I don't mind that, but I'd rather you said it while sober. Anyway, did you meet anybody at this bar?"

Paige was caught off guard. "Huh? Who?"

"Anybody? At the bar? That you might want to start dating?"

"Why would I want to start dating a bar?"

AJ sighed. "Paige, try to stay with me. Did you meet anyone at the bar?"

"Uh, no. Should I have?"

"If it will keep you from getting this drunk, then yes, you should. A nice boy or girl to keep you occupied, and preferably sober, most of the time."

Paige suddenly felt sick, and knew it had nothing to do with being drunk. "Oh. Yeah. I'm working on it, I guess. Foxy promised to introduce me to some people later. Could be fun."

"That's sweet of her. And Rosa is okay with it?"

"Uh, sure." Paige glanced to left, and slid her free arm over Rosa's waist as an apology for the jostling earlier. "She's doing a lot better. It's not awkward or anything anymore. She understands."

"Good, good. Tell her I asked about her?"

"Yeah. You going somewhere?"

"Yup, Phil has a meeting, so I have to go with him and look extra pretty. I'll call you when we get back, yeah?"

"Oh, great," Paige said quickly. "I'll be here. And you're really not mad at me?"

AJ laughed. "No! You're so silly, muffin. I could never stay mad at you."

Paige closed her eyes, trying her best not to admit just how wonderful that those simple words made her feel. "Cool. Good luck at your meeting. And tell Phil I said hi."

"Sure. Paige, promise me something?"

"Anything," Paige replied, all too aware that she could deny AJ nothing.

"Don't stop looking. Someone is out there waiting for you, I know it."

Paige bit her lip nearly hard enough to draw blood. "Okay, I promise. Am I making you late?"

"No, my darling husband, who can never find his socks, is making me late. I need to go be his savior again. Hey, you're not anywhere you don't need to be, right? Do I need to call someone for you? I mean, you were drunk, but you're safe now?"

Paige smiled. "Yeah, I'm safe, in bed, in a hotel. Thanks for worrying about me. Go save Phil from himself."

"I love you, muffin."

Paige swallowed hard. AJ hadn't lowered the volume of her voice, hadn't whispered, hadn't made any attempt to conceal what she was saying, and she was probably in the exact same room as her husband. She had never lacked guts, that was for sure. "I love you, too, AJ."

"Say hi to the girls for me. Oh, give Foxy a kiss from me."

"I will." Paige closed her eyes, and listened to the empty air on the phone until long after AJ had gone. She might have done it all night, if not for someone loudly clearing their throat.

"So? Where's my kiss?"

Paige jumped, her face whiter than usual as she turned to find a very much awake Alicia Fox lying next to her, staring expectantly. "You... Foxy, how long were you-"

"Long enough," Alicia replied. "So? My kiss? And make it good, because you know AJ was no slouch."

Blushing, Paige gently grasped Alicia's face and gave her a slow, lingering kiss on the forehead.

"Nice," Alicia commented approvingly. "Worthy of AJ. Now I won't have to call her and complain."

"Did you hear everything?" Paige murmured.

"No, but it's not like you didn't know I was right next to you. It was even your idea for the three of us to share your bed tonight, in case you don't remember. Luckily, you two were too drunk to do more than pass out as soon as we got in. Oh, and I was there when you were texting AJ earlier. You should thank me for not letting you send that last one. It was... _rich_ in detail, Paige."

"Oh. Uh. Thanks, Foxy."

"Paige." Alicia scooted a little closer. "You're still not over her, are you?"

"Huh? Her, who?"

"AJ."

"What? No, you're wrong. That's-"

"Paige. This is me you're talking to."

"I told you, I'm not-"

"Paige, did you forget that I heard most of the conversation?"

Paige closed her eyes. "You must think I'm an idiot."

"For trying to lie to me when I was right here? Yes." Alicia reached over and rubbed Paige's shoulder. "For being in love with someone you shouldn't? I haven't set a good example for you, so I can't blame you. And I know AJ, so I can understand why. Don't worry, I'll introduce you to as many people as you want."

Paige laughed softly. "Won't do a bit of good, will it?"

"Doubt it. You got it bad, muffin."

"Don't call me that," Paige whispered with a pained expression. "Only AJ can-"

"You're just proving my point, Paige. And if you're this determined not to meet someone, maybe we shouldn't bother."

"I promised AJ. I have to try."

"Look, I'm sure AJ really wants you to find someone, but I don't think she realizes the pain it'll cause you in the process. Maybe you should talk to her again before I set anything up for you."

"No. I'll just go out with someone safe first. Someone who can't possibly hurt me." Paige paused and glanced to other side of the bed.

"Who, Rosa?" Alicia asked. "Oh, no way. Baaad idea, Paige. She can't hurt you, but you can definitely hurt her. Again. You remember that, right?"

"I'll make it clear that I'm just testing the waters. She got upset because I wouldn't even consider going out with her last time. This time, I will."

Alicia shook her head. "I'm totally against this, Paige. If you get her hopes up and then let her down again, she'll be just as crushed as you were when AJ left. You don't want to do that to a friend."

"It won't be like that. I'm not leaving her, and I'll take care of her, no matter what."

"You sound just like AJ, you know that? And for once, that's not a compliment."

* * *

Against Alicia's advice, Paige and Rosa went out two nights later. Much to Paige's surprise, she enjoyed it. But that was mainly because she and Rosa had always gotten along, so their friendship came about easily. And that was the problem: Paige had such a good time because she still saw Rosa as a friend. Rosa, on the other hand, had a good time because she still had a crush on Paige, even though she hadn't acted on it since the last time Paige had been forced to reject her. They had finally gotten back to a place where their friendship was comfortable again, and just as Alicia had feared, taking Rosa on a date was a perfect way to send the whole thing to pieces again.

But Paige did it, because she had promised AJ, and because she was tired of feeling alone in-between the times that she and AJ talked on the phone. It seemed like a good idea at the time, at least. At worst, she figured she could fake being happy, for Rosa's sake.

And it was a true testament to how unhappy Paige must have been that Rosa, who had been unable to tell that Paige had no feelings for her beyond friendship, could see that Paige was still heartbroken over AJ, and actually dared to point it out.

"If you want to lie to yourself and pretend I'm AJ, I can do that for you, Paige. But there's no way you can convince yourself that you two aren't soulmates. Being with me or anyone else isn't going to make that ache go away. I can tape you up as many times as it takes, but AJ is the only one who can fix you."

If that wasn't enough of a sign, Rosa actually turned down a second date, in the hopes that Paige would be honest with herself. And it worked. Paige admitted to herself that dating other people was pointless. She wanted AJ. And if she couldn't date AJ, then remaining her best friend and actually being near her were the next best things. True, it was hard to get time off without being injured, but AJ knew that, and her schedule was now far more flexible than Paige's. And Paige knew it would only take a little whining to get AJ onto a plane to wherever the next live event was, but she also didn't want to abuse that power too much.

Still, there was no denying that when Paige did get some time off, the only places she ever went were to visit her family, or to see AJ (and in one instance, to take AJ to meet her parents).

* * *

Paige had not been able to really appreciate it until after AJ left, but it wasn't just the Divas who had been influenced by her. Virtually every Superstar that AJ had worked with had later come up to Paige and asked if she needed anything, and it didn't take long to figure out that AJ had put them up to it. Of all of them, Paige liked Big E Langston the best, perhaps because he had the most in common with her and AJ. He had come up through NXT just as they had, and understood the pressure of fighting to make a place for himself on the roster. More importantly, he didn't mind sharing AJ stories with her, or joking around with her backstage, or Paige's habit of greeting him with a running body tackle (though that usually resulted in him then picking her up off of the ground).

So it was no surprise that Paige often invited Big E to visit AJ with her. It was like having an older brother for a bodyguard, and few other people understood her fixation on AJ. Also, Big E was eager to learn all he could from a veteran like CM Punk, which benefited Paige in giving her plenty of alone time with AJ. It wasn't exactly moral on her part, but Paige didn't really care too much. All she really cared about during those trips was being with AJ as much as possible. AJ understood that, too.

At least, Paige thought AJ did. Which was why it was very weird, during one such trip, when Paige and Big E walked out of the airport, only to find CM Punk leaning against his van. Paige was shocked, but Big E walked over and shook Punk's hand. Paige wanted to ask where AJ was, but figured that would be rude and very telling.

"You look surprised to see me, Paige," Punk noted with a smirk.

"I am," she admitted. "Usually AJ picks me up."

"If you're gonna keep working for WWE, you really need to get in the habit of seeing the screw job coming from a long ways off," Punk told her, putting his arm around her shoulders. "C'mon, We need to go. Ape will kill us all if her homemade dinner gets cold."

Paige wasn't exactly sure how she felt about CM Punk, even now. She was mad that he had married AJ, and surely part of AJ's decision to leave WWE was in support of him. On the other hand, working hurt was no fun, and if AJ had been hurt to that degree, Paige would have wanted her to walk away, too. Worse, from what Paige could tell, Punk was a decent guy. AJ was very happy with him, and he had never tried to come between her and Paige, even though this was apparently because he was hoping to walk in on some HLA (Hot Lesbian Action). Given all that, it was hard to stay mad at him. Although Paige privately thought "Ape" was a horrible pet name, but then AJ could get pretty frenzied when upset, so maybe it was less cute and more entirely accurate.

But any bad feelings that Paige had about Punk were pushed aside the instant she saw AJ running from the house, all smiles and arms outstretched for a big hug. Paige either forgot or didn't care that Punk and Big E were there, but she wasn't the only one. AJ ran into Paige's arms, squeezed her tight, and then covered her face with swift, sweet pecks, ending with a rather long kiss on the corner of her mouth.

"You're finally home, muffin," AJ murmured, running her fingers lightly through Paige's hair.

Paige smiled, closed her eyes, and let her head rest gently against AJ's. She was indeed home, because they were partners, and home was wherever and whenever they were together.

* * *

Just as Paige had hoped, she spent the entire weekend with AJ: shopping, swimming, training, and sleeping (though in the actual, boring, non-intimate way, unfortunately). It was, of course, great... and it ended far too soon. But Paige and Big E were due back at work, so there was nothing they could do to avoid that.

Paige was not at all surprised that Punk volunteered to drive them back to the airport. She was now more certain than ever that he had a hidden agenda, and she was right. It just wasn't what she thought it was.

"I know you're in love with Ape, Paige," he said the moment they left the driveway. "And I want you to know that I'm cool with it."

"How does that work?" Paige asked, shooting a nervous glance at Big E, who shrugged.

"Look, I've got my weird friends, and Ape has hers. You can't always introduce them to polite company, but if you need someone to pay your bail, take a bullet for you, or donate a kidney, they're there. And I know it would do more harm than good to keep you two apart. It's not like you're hurting anything."

"But... you're married to her," Paige said slowly.

"Right. And I consider myself extremely lucky to be able to say that. This amazing woman loves me for some reason that I will never understand. She walked away from her dream job to be with me, and I never asked her to. So if making her happy means the occasional visit from her hot friend, I can think of far worse fates. Like still being sick and still working for a company who was happy to let me stay that way."

"And it doesn't bother you that we do?"

"There was a time when I was happy there, and so long as that's true for you, then you should do what you have to do. I'm just saying protect each other, and don't depend on management to go to bat for you every time. You guys are cool with Ape, so you're cool with me. But try to keep the hospital visits to a minimum."

* * *

"I don't believe it! Paige has suffered a mysterious and unexpected wardrobe malfunction! Her top is totally gone, her cleavage is totally exposed! She's trying to shield herself, but - OHH! AJ Lee's got the roll-up! 1! 2! 3! It's all over! Paige has lost to AJ Lee yet again! But what's this?! AJ's not letting go! She's fondling Paige's silky, smooth-"

"Having fun?"

AJ squeaked in shock, dropping the Divas action figures on the bedroom floor. "How long have you been standing there?!" she demanded, blushing.

"Does it really matter?" CM Punk asked, smirking at her from the doorway.

"Oh, shut up," she grumbled cutely, snatching up the action figures.

"You know, when we made that rule about each of us being allowed to collect certain action figures no matter how the other felt about them, I wasn't aware that you were allowed to play with mine."

"You can play with my guys anytime," AJ replied, clutching the Paige and AJ action figures to her chest.

He laughed. "No, I think we might need stricter rules on what you're allowed to do with mine. No telling what my girls have seen by now."

"Nothing you haven't," AJ said defensively.

"That doesn't reassure me at all." Punk held out his hand and wiggled his fingers. "C'mon, hand 'em over."

"Noooo!" AJ whined. "I'm not done yet!"

"Didn't you have plenty of chances to fondle the actual Paige all weekend?"

"Yes, and how do you think I got so good at it? Practice!"

Punk stared at her, clearly impressed. "You... oh, you're definitely telling me that story tonight."

"Fine, but _after_ I'm done playing," AJ insisted.

"Only if I get to be the guest commentator."

AJ grinned at him. "Deal!"

* * *

Paige was restless for the entire plane trip, constantly fidgeting in her seat. She couldn't shake the uneasy feeling that AJ and CM Punk were making love at that very moment, and it was driving her mad with jealousy.

Next to her, Big E was similarly restless, but for an entirely different reason. He had spent several hours that weekend listening to Punk go on and on about his Divas action figures, and had a much better idea of what Punk and AJ were actually doing with them. Which bothered him only because AJ had eagerly shown him her Big E action figure, with actual chalk on its hands. And while Big E wasn't sure whether the thought of AJ or Punk fondling his action figure bothered him more, it definitely bothered him plenty.

Once they touched down and left the plane, Big E offered to collect their luggage. Paige thanked him, then ducked into a restroom and immediately called Natalya, who she knew would already be at the arena. Sure enough, she was, and before Natalya could ask how the trip had gone, Paige cut her off with a question.

"Nattie, could I crash on your couch for a while the next time we make it home?"

There was a slight pause before Natalya answered. "Okay, but why wouldn't you just go to your place?"

"I'd get lonely," Paige admitted, "and I don't want the other girls to know."

"You know I have cats, though."

"I know. I could use the extra attention."

"So, just to confirm, you want to sleep on my couch, with my cats crawling all over you, and you don't want to tell me how the trip went?"

"Sounds about right."

"Bring some new toys for the cats and you've got a deal."

* * *

Paige crashing at Natalya's had the unfortunate consequence of awakening Natalya's maternal instincts. It started with simple questions, then proceeded to nagging, and finally just telling the other girls outright. Paige didn't feel betrayed, just annoyed that Natalya hadn't kept her mouth shut.

Rather than give her a hard time, however, the other Divas decided that Paige needed a new constant companion, someone who could be with her when AJ wasn't. A cat, however, was deemed too independent for Paige's needs.

This was how Paige found herself adopting a Doberman that formerly belonged to a friend of Jimmy Uso. Considering the source, and the dog's breath, Paige affectionately called him Stinkface. For no reason that anyone could explain, Stinkface was unusually relaxed for a Doberman, and spent much of his time sleeping, which made him very easy to care for.

He wasn't AJ by a long shot, but he didn't mind hugs, and he slept at the foot of Paige's bed every night that she was home, which was all Paige really needed from him.

* * *

When AJ had practically forced Paige into changing her ringtone, she had also returned the favor, thinking it would be cute. Everyone would know when Paige was getting a call from her number one girl crush. Likewise, AJ thought that Paige's frequent calls would be a good reminder for her own husband that she always had other options.

Sometimes, it didn't quite work out that way. In a very strange role reversal, AJ had greatly underestimated just how attached to her Paige had become. And also what a bad idea it was to give her so much access.

The end result was that when both AJ and her husband were rudely awakened early one morning by Paige's theme music shrieking at them from AJ's phone, neither was surprised.

"Your friend, your phone, your problem," was the unhelpful husband's response, just before he rolled over and buried his head underneath his pillow.

Normally, AJ would have insulted him, but she was far too exhausted to think up a good one. Instead, she snatched up her phone. "Paige," she muttered, "it is 3:52 AM, and unless you are bleeding _heavily_, I am going to hang up."

"Wait, AJ, please! It's really important, I swear!" Paige pleaded.

"What," AJ growled.

"Happy Thirtieth Birthday, pumpkin!" When this produced no immediate reply, she added, "Er... surprise?"

There was an exceedingly long pause before AJ answered. "Oh, you absolute doll. I'll only murder you with slightly rusty knives now. After I wake up properly. Which means I'm going back to bed right now."

"Wait, wait! I got you the greatest gift ever! Just look outside!"

AJ had a feeling what she would see from her bedroom window, and she was soon proven exactly right by what she saw: Paige, standing in the front yard, weighed down with several WWE Shop bags, struggling to wave up at her and simultaneously seem adorable, all while still on the phone. AJ was impressed, but only by how much Paige really didn't seem to get it. "Paige, my BFF, my beloved, my tasty little muffin. Tell me something?"

"Sure, AJ!" Paige replied happily.

"You still have your key?"

"Got it right here. Uh, somewhere."

"You still remember the alarm code?"

"Yeah, I do."

"So then please tell me why you couldn't just let yourself in quietly and surprise me properly later this morning, _after I woke up_?!"

"Um... I couldn't wait that long?"

"Uh huh. Paige? I'm not leaving this bedroom, and neither is Phil. So you can either stay out there until we wake up on our own, or you can let yourself in now. Like you should have done all along."

"Okay. I'll be up in a bit."

"No, you will sleep downstairs in the guest room. If you come up here, I'll be tempted to get the slightly rusty knives."

"Ah, right. I'll just see you later on today."

"Mmm. And Paige?"

"Yeah?"

"If you should happen to wake up, or perhaps _not_ wake up, only to discover I've suffocated you with a pillow while you were sleeping, I really did enjoy my birthday present. Just not the ungodly hour in which she arrived."

"AJ, it's going to be really hard to spend your whole birthday with you if you do that."

"Oh, don't worry. It'll take me at least that long to think up a creative, _fitting_ way to dispose of your body."

"...AJ, I'm really sorry and I love you so much, so please don't kill me?"

AJ sighed. She was a sucker for when Paige begged. "Did you at least bring me lots of free and unusual T-shirts?"

"Yeah! Sheamus has a new one so blinding that even I can't stand it."

"Okay, you're forgiven. Remind me of that, if you spot me with the slightly rusty knives. I might forget. I understand that lack of sleep can impact some people that way."

"I'm _reeeally_ sorry, AJ. Ooh, I'll make you breakfast! Promise! Lots and lots of fruitca-"

"Too soon, Paige," AJ interrupted firmly. "_Way_ too soon."

"Right, sorry, sorry, love you!"

**End of Match 2.**

* * *

Endnotes:

A weird factoid. Because I wanted a certain amount of realism in how AJ and CM Punk relate to each other, I listened to various interviews they've each done. And I learned way more than I expected, just not about what I expected. I'm sure Punk's pet name for her is just short for April, but it sounds exactly like "Ape", so...

I can't deny it, I've started watching reruns of Total Divas. I saw clips of Rosa kissing Paige, and then Rosa's wardrobe malfunction, and I couldn't turn away. But it's all in the name of research, allegedly. Though I have to admit that I love it when a Bella mispronounces common words.


	3. Paige vs Tamina

Note: Forget WWE ice cream bars, I want to know where my Tamina has gone.

Summary: Paige loses her title and pride to an old foe. She's too ashamed to face AJ, but as it turns out, there's a better reason why AJ can't help: the new Divas Champ is an even older friend of hers.

* * *

**Fruitcake and Muffin's Nutty Frenemyship**

**A WWE Fanfic by**

**Nate Grey (xman0123-at-aol-dot-com)**

**Match 3: Paige vs. Tamina**

* * *

From the very first time that she'd met Tamina Snuka's chilly gaze across the ring, Paige had known.

This woman would one day take everything precious to her. Although, it certainly hadn't seemed that way at the time, to the average spectator. The push that Paige received when she graduated from NXT was unlike any other, and though she had earned it, more than a few jealous heads were turned.

Tamina wasn't jealous. She was just angry. Angrier, anyway. She didn't want what Paige had, not really. She simply wanted to destroy Paige, and it just so happened that the most effective way to do that was to take what Paige held dear.

Back then, Tamina had not been a major threat. Despite her greater size and power, she had been in WWE for years without making a big enough splash, and a combination of weak storylines and frequent injuries had kept her out of the spotlight. So when Paige was told that Tamina would lose to her on numerous occasions, it did not surprise her. Still, she felt bad for Tamina. It was not easy to be forced into mid- or low-card status, especially not for a Diva who Paige felt deserved far better. But those losses were going to feed Paige's own fame, and she was still too new to the company to disagree. And even if she had done that on Tamina's behalf, Tamina was far too proud to ever appreciate it, or thank her for it. Really, it might have insulted her worse than having to lose to Paige in the first place. So Paige had said nothing and taken the wins, but not without some remorse.

No one had been more shocked than Paige when Tamina returned to action roughly a year after AJ's retirement. There had been several closed-door meetings with Stephanie McMahon, and a week later, she put all the Divas on notice. There would be a battle royale at the next pay-per-view to determine the number one contender to Paige's Divas Championship, and Tamina was in it. To no great surprise, Tamina won. Paige honestly would have been shocked if she hadn't.

And even when Paige was told to drop the belt to Tamina, she had no problem with the idea. Tamina deserved the belt, and no one had worked harder to get to that point without actually obtaining the reward. Paige had been there multiple times, and while she enjoyed the perks, she did not mind handing them over from time to time.

And if it had only been that, there would have been no problem.

But it was different. It was all different.

Paige had always gone into her matches with Tamina assured that she had the natural ability to win, no matter what the script said. She had Tamina's number, and they both knew it.

But when she looked into Tamina's eyes that night, Paige saw something else entirely. Something that rocked her to her core.

This was not the same Tamina. Or perhaps it was, but now older, wiser, colder, and fiercer. Now she had Paige's number, and no matter what the script said, even if Paige walked away with the belt (which she wouldn't), she would never feel like a winner again, so long as Tamina was in the ring with her.

The match went exactly as it was supposed to, and the fans loved it. Even though Tamina had been pushed as a heel, clearly she was not the only one who thought she deserved the title win. It wasn't even that they hated Paige, as she was still a crowd favorite. It was just that Tamina finally becoming Divas Champ was... right.

But that chilly stare had unnerved Paige, and when she was granted some time off after the match, she took it gladly.

* * *

CM Punk had never gotten a clear answer on how the WWE Network impacted Superstar and Diva salaries, but he knew how it impacted his wife. It was as if AJ had never been a Diva at all, and she watched every show on the Network like the huge fan that she still was. It was sort of cute, the way she would wear a random Superstar or Diva's T-shirt, just to plant herself in front of the TV. But, they had agreed that out of respect for their marriage, only their personal merchandise was allowed in bed.

So AJ had been right there on the couch, watching in her black Dean Ambrose tee, when Paige lost the Divas title to Tamina. Punk only knew that because she'd gotten unusually quiet. He actually thought she'd fainted from the shock of Tamina finally becoming Champion.

She hadn't. Not really. He found AJ just sitting there, staring silently at the TV, an unreadable expression on her face.

Punk's first instinct was to check her pulse, but as he reached out to do so, AJ seized his hand with a surprisingly strong grip. "Get Paul on the phone," she ordered.

"Paul _Heyman_?" Punk asked for clarification. He knew other Pauls, even in wrestling, but Heyman was the only one that AJ would call by his given name.

"Yes, Paul _Heyman_," AJ insisted.

"Why? He's got nothing to do with this."

"I know! That's the problem!" AJ snapped. "Just get him!"

Punk stared at her for a long moment. "You're not thinking of asking him to-?"

"I'm not going to _ask_ him anything."

Punk hesitated. He liked Paul. So did AJ. And Paul found AJ to be entertaining. In much the same way that one might find a backflipping hamster amusing, but would never actually take it seriously. If, for example, Punk called Paul and told him that AJ wanted to discuss business, Paul would probably laugh for five minutes straight, then ask why Punk had really called.

Which did not mean that Paul dismissed AJ as both a former Divas Champion and a talented performer, just that he would only humor her for so long, and would only do that much as a favor to Punk.

Still, AJ looked very serious about this. But then, she always did, especially when someone was underestimating her. And she was his wife, after all. So Punk called Paul, and convinced him to talk seriously with AJ.

They talked for maybe ten minutes, at which point AJ hung up and said, "We've agreed that Paul is going to take on a new client."

Punk chuckled. "You mean there's finally going to be a Paul Heyman Girl?"

"You could say that."

* * *

Paige wanted, more than anything, to call AJ and hear her automatic and heartfelt reassurances, but she just couldn't bring herself to. She actually felt ashamed, despite the fact that the loss had been in the script. It really felt like Tamina had totally defeated her, and would have done so under any and all circumstances. Paige couldn't face AJ now, couldn't hear her sweet voice without feeling guilty.

And as nice as the other Divas had been, their words just felt empty to Paige. She had no idea how she was supposed to move on from this particular loss. And, much to her surprise, sitting at home with her dog Stinkface wasn't helping. It looked like she was going to need an actual person, someone who might understand how she was feeling. Someone other than AJ, but enough like her that they would still be a source of comfort.

"I'm so glad you called me!" Bayley squealed an hour later, latching onto Paige's back again.

"I still want to know why you were stalking me," Paige reminded her. When she had called, Bayley had said she was close by. She hadn't said that she'd pretty much followed Paige home. Which was impressive, considering that she had been on the same plane without Paige ever knowing it. Bayley tended to stick out, and even when she didn't, her habit of randomly hugging everyone from friends to total strangers did. She must have either found some new self-control, or someone who hadn't minded her hugs for the entire flight. Paige was betting on the latter.

"Why do I ever follow anyone?" Bayley countered.

"You wanted to give me a hug that badly? Couldn't you have just stopped me at the arena?"

"You looked all tense and fidgety then. You wouldn't have enjoyed hugging as much."

Paige promptly abandoned that line of questioning. Only so much common sense could be forced on Bayley before she started disregarding it entirely, and that wasn't why she was here. "Well, thanks. I don't know what I would have done if you hadn't come."

"You would have called AJ," Bayley said at once. She may have been a relatively new Diva to the main roster, but she had heard plenty of stories about AJ and Paige. Many of them from AJ herself.

Paige winced. "No, not this time."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"So it's okay that I did?"

"WHAT?!" Paige shouted. "You called AJ?! Why, Bayley?!"

Bayley frowned. "Because you need her, Paige."

"But that's exactly why you shouldn't have!"

"Um, how does that work?"

"It doesn't, but it has to this time! Call her back and tell her not to come!"

Bayley pouted. "No. I _want_ to see AJ. If you don't, then you call her and tell her not to come."

Paige glared at her. "You know I can't do that! This is AJ we're talking about!"

Bayley grinned. "Awwww! You're that worried about hurting her feelings? That's so sweet!"

Paige gave her a flat stare. "No, I'm worried that she'll drive her rental car through my living room if I tell her to go home."

* * *

"So I become Divas Champion without any help, and you suddenly think I need a manager?" Tamina asked, glaring at the man on the other side of the locker room. "And you, of all people?"

To his credit, Paul Heyman didn't even flinch. He had seen far worse than Tamina's glare. "I don't think you fully appreciate the situation we're in, Miss Snuka. I'm not asking you to hire me. I'm not asking you to do anything. I'm simply informing you that I've been hired as your manager. If you have any problem with that, I've been authorized to give you access to the client who originally arranged the deal."

Tamina's glare intensified threefold as she snatched the offered cellphone out of his hand. Heyman had already dialed, and the phone only had to ring twice before someone picked up on the other end. "Get this through your thick skull, whoever you are," Tamina growled. "Nobody orders me to do-"

"You're still so grumpy, crabbycake."

Tamina trailed off in mid-rant, her eyes wide with shock. "AJ?"

"You shouldn't growl so much. Paul was very nice to do this for me, and I don't want you being mean to him."

"You mean you hired him? Why?"

"Do you really have to ask? He's a genius, and he'll watch your back. I thought it would be a nice little gift. Something to celebrate your title win. You don't mind, right?"

Tamina hesitated. "You don't owe me anything, AJ. We were even when we split up, and-"

"I want to do this for you. Let me? Please?"

"It doesn't feel right."

"Because you aren't used to Paul yet. Just give him some time to prove how useful he is. You won't regret it."

"We aren't partners anymore, AJ. So this-"

"We'll _always_ be partners, Tamina."

Tamina frowned, once again reminded that it was nearly impossible to effectively combat AJ's twisted, overly affectionate logic.

"Well, I need to go check on something," AJ continued. "I leave you in Paul's capable hands. I know you two will do great things together."

Tamina tried one last time to make AJ see reason, ineffective as that usually was. "AJ, listen-"

"I expect you to break my reign record, crabbycake. Don't let me down."

Tamina frowned as AJ hung up on her. Shaking her head, she handed the phone back to Paul. "So I guess you're my manager," she muttered.

"We should get coffee, my treat," Paul replied. "The blacker, the better."

Tamina's eyes lit up with renewed fury. "Is that supposed to be a joke?" she demanded.

Paul blinked, understanding her mistake but not alarmed by it. "I only meant that now that we've both had an overdose of AJ's sweetness, we need something bitter to counter it."

"Oh." Tamina actually blushed. "Thanks." Then, because he seemed to expect it: "Sorry."

"Forget it. She puts me on edge, too."

"Then why are you doing this?"

"Partially for the money. Partially as a favor to Punk. Mostly because if it was left up to WWE, your title reign wouldn't last anywhere near as long as it should. To be brutally honest, unless you're extremely lucky, you're nearing the end of your career. If I can't stop that, then I'll at least make sure that you retire as one of the best Divas they have, and that they treat you with the respect that you demand and deserve."

* * *

People generally only said no to AJ once. They tended to learn better after that.

She wasn't crazy, and she had the test records to prove it. Which, admittedly, meant that there _had_ been causes for concern at various points.

There were three reasons AJ tended to get what she wanted. She was very determined, she was very cute, and when it suited her, she certainly knew how to act crazy. Although how much of an act it was tended to be open to debate.

Also true was that AJ took excellent care of her friends. It was just that the word 'friend' had a very broad definition to her, and included ex-boyfriends, people she had spoken to for a grand total of three minutes, and strangers who smiled in a decidedly non-creepy way.

Interestingly, AJ had given enough creepy smiles that she was pretty much an expert on when a smile wasn't creepy. Or wasn't creepy enough, anyway.

So when AJ called someone her best friend, she really meant it. Currently, she had three best friends that she'd met through wrestling.

She was married to the first.

The second had just lost the Divas Championship to the third. Which was awkward. For about two seconds.

But AJ quickly came to the realization that all of her best friends needed her. So she hired a qualified manager for Tamina, flew out to check on Paige, and called CM Punk every few hours, just to bug him and let him know that she was thinking of him. He liked that, strangely, far more than he liked her saying, "I miss you" or "I love you" for any reason. Which she still did, just not as frequently.

Bayley had just barely missed becoming AJ's fourth best friend. And only because as sweet as she was, she required a bit too much maintenance, or perhaps just back strength, to deal with regularly. Which didn't make AJ love her any less. If she was ever going to adopt someone who was far too old for it and yet didn't act like they were, it would be Bayley. At any rate, it was nice that both Bayley and Charlotte got bumped up to the main roster at the same time. They had been fairly successful as a tag team, which Bayley insisted on calling Smug and Hugs. So whenever Charlotte got tired of Bayley, she could dump her off on Paige, or one of the other Divas who was equally touchy-feely. And Paige would always have someone nearby willing to hug her, which was important.

There was just no comparison for an AJ hug, however, which AJ was forced to accept the minute that Bayley called her.

* * *

Paige did not pass out spare keys to her home easily. Each represented a great deal of trust having been placed in the person who held them. Likewise, in the worst case scenario, they were the same three people that Paige would have wanted to discover her dead body, especially if it were in a compromising position.

Stephanie McMahon had a key, strictly for emergencies. If Paige ever stopped answering her phone and showing up for work, in all likelihood, one of the Divas would check her home first.

Natalya had a key, because she lived nearby, and was the closest thing to a mother Paige had without flying home to visit her actual mother. Which was either supremely annoying or very nice, depending on Paige's mood.

AJ had a key, of course. Mostly because she had demanded one shortly after Paige got a key to AJ's home. It was only fair, and besides, if AJ ever got it into her head that she wanted to crawl into bed with Paige, then Paige wanted there to be zero obstacles between them.

Bayley had asked for a key. Paige had refused. AJ was the only one she wanted crawling into her bed. Or stalking her with the express intent of attacking with a hug. In Paige's own home, anyway.

* * *

Paige woke up to find someone curled protectively around her body. Considering the person's smaller size, and what she could see of the arm draped around her waist, it could only be AJ. While Stinkface wasn't exactly a model guard dog, he would have barked, if only once, upon detecting the scent of an unfamiliar person in the house. And Bayley had already smothered him with enough hugs where he would never forget her scent.

"Did you sleep good, muffin?" AJ murmured in Paige's ear, giving her a little squeeze.

"I always do with you," Paige sighed, sliding her hand over AJ's. "Where's Bayley?"

"Trying to teach Stinkypoo how to fetch. Only I think she's getting stuck on convincing him to actually throw the ball."

Paige snorted. "Since you're here now, I guess she told you I was having a bad day."

"Maybe you'd care to explain why I had to hear it from her, instead of you?" AJ asked, poking Paige in the ribs.

"I lost our baby," Paige muttered.

"You haven't, either. She's on a shelf in the other room. I gave her a kiss when I came in."

Paige winced. "No, the other one. The actual, official, current one."

AJ sighed. "Muffin, you don't write the scripts. Do you really think I'd blame you for that?"

"But it's different this time. There was no way I could have won that match, and now that I've lost it that way, I feel like a loser."

"You're not a loser. I'll have you know that I don't hang out with losers. And since I'm here, hanging out with you, what does that make you, muffin?"

"Not a loser?"

"You catch on quick." AJ gave her a peck on the cheek. "If it helps, I know for a fact that our baby is in good hands with her new mommy."

Paige frowned thoughtfully. "Right, I forgot. You and Tamina used to be partners."

"Does that help you at all?"

"I'm not sure. She didn't seem to like me much on any level, even when I talked to her before the match."

AJ nodded. "Not surprising. My crabbycake can take some getting used to."

Paige coughed. "You can't actually call her that to her face?"

AJ pouted. "Why wouldn't I?"

"And she just accepts it?" Paige asked in disbelief.

"What's with that tone? No one has ever genuinely complained about any pet name I've given them! I've been calling Charlotte 'ladyfinger' since I met her, and she-"

Paige exploded in laughter. "Ladyfinger?!"

"Well, she's all pretty and slender, so-"

"Wait," Paige interrupted. "What's Bayley's?"

"Sugar cookie."

"I should have guessed. So back to Tamina. Shouldn't we be able to get along if we both like you?"

AJ shook her head. "Crabbycake is the possessive type. She might be jealous. I could talk to her about it, but that would defeat the purpose, I think. She won't respect you unless you confront her. And make sure you bring her a peace offering."

"Well, what does she like?" Paige asked.

"Mmm. There's me, and... huh. I don't suppose you'd be willing to let her beat you up?"

Paige frowned. "Trying to _avoid_ that, actually."

"Thought so. You may have to ask her outright what she'd like. And she still might respect you more if you refuse to give in to her."

"So, you have no idea how I can smooth things over with her, and I have nothing in common with her, except my love for you, which she's probably jealous of?" Paige asked.

AJ nodded. "Sounds about right."

"Can't you just come with me to talk to her, AJ?"

"Yes, but what good would it do if she goes back to being mean the moment I'm out of sight? You have to work this out with her by yourself, muffin. She's difficult, not unreasonable. And look on the bright side. If she did attack you and it was unprovoked, she'd be fined at the least, stripped of the title at the most. She definitely won't risk that. Probably."

"AJ, exactly what part of me _not_ wanting her to beat me up are you confused about?!"

* * *

The strategy session, if it could even be called that, had not really been productive. Seeing no real way to reason with Tamina, Paige had decided upon defeating her in some manner. But to her surprise, AJ had outright refused to be a part of that strategy.

"It's one thing if the script says my besties have to fight, but I won't be the one that makes them do it."

Paige couldn't fault AJ for being loyal to a friend, as it was one of her best qualities. She just wished that AJ could talk Tamina into being a bit more friendly. But AJ insisted that Paige had to do this on her own.

So, reassured that Tamina probably wouldn't take her head off in front of witnesses, Paige cornered her the next time they were both in a locker room.

If Tamina was impressed, she didn't show it. "What?" she snapped.

Paige steeled herself before answering. "What's your problem with me? Did I do something to you?"

Tamina blinked, a little stunned. "No," she said after a moment.

It was Paige's turn to be stunned. "Then I don't get it. Why are you-"

"It's AJ," Tamina interrupted.

Paige frowned. "You don't like that I'm close to her?"

Tamina waved her off. "If I got mad every time someone got close to AJ, I'd never be anything else."

Paige hesitated. "Well, since you brought it up..."

Tamina glared at her. "I'm not _always_ mad. But people _accusing_ me of it pisses me off like nothing else."

"Okay, I'm sorry! But what does this have to do with me and AJ?"

Tamina's glare intensified. "It's got nothing to do with _you_."

"Then why are you taking it out on me?"

"Because I knew that would get her attention faster than anything else."

Paige gaped at her. "Wait, so... you're just throwing a tantrum for AJ's attention?"

Tamina smiled sweetly at her, a truly terrifying sight. "If you like, I could throw you through a table instead."

"No, a tantrum is just fine," Paige said quickly. "But if you just want AJ's attention, why not tell her that?"

"I'd _never_ do that."

"Why not?"

"Because then she would _know_ how much I want it."

Paige shook her head. "Look, Tamina, I know you've got a reputation to worry about, but AJ isn't going to think less of you if she knows you miss her. She'd probably be thrilled. And she'd pay a lot more attention to you if she knew you felt this way. And hey, you don't have to say anything to her at all. Maybe I just drop a very subtle hint the next time I talk to her."

"Why would you do that?"

"Because I don't want this to be an issue between us, and I'd like to be able to tell AJ that you and I are on the same page. She'd love that, I'm sure."

"And if I say no?"

Paige glared at her. "Then we can make it very personal very fast, crabbycake."

Tamina visibly had trouble restraining herself. "You wouldn't dare!" she hissed.

"Yeah, I would. It'll be all over the locker room before the night is done. And you can't threaten me with the same, because everyone already knows AJ's pet name for me." Paige turned away and caught sight of Charlotte lacing up her boots nearby. "Yo, ladyfinger!" she yelled.

Charlotte tensed, but eventually turned her head and gave Paige a bitter smile. "Hey, muffin," she replied, her voice positively dripping with venom.

Paige grinned. "Good luck with your match tonight."

Charlotte stared at her, trying to determine if Paige was serious. "Uh, thanks," she said at last, then went back to her boots.

Paige turned back to Tamina. "See? Wouldn't you like to join in on the fun?"

Tamina frowned. "Fine, you can talk to AJ. But _don't_ be obvious about it!"

Paige laughed. "Tamina, please. I can be subtle."

* * *

_Ten Minutes Later..._

"Crabbycake's throwing a tantrum because she thinks you like me best. So invite her over or something so she'll back off."

"Awww, my poor crabbycake was lonely! Okay, I can do that for you, muffin."

"Oh, and ladyfinger says hi."

"Does she really?"

"Well, it was more like 'screw you, muffin' in tone, but I assumed it was meant as a greeting."

* * *

That evening's episode of RAW opened with Tamina and Paul Heyman coming out to the ring. Heyman declared himself Tamina's new manager, and then dared any Diva to try and take the title away from Tamina. He was interrupted by Natalya, who was interrupted by Charlotte, who was interrupted by Bayley, who was interrupted by Stephanie McMahon, who was interrupted by no one who wanted to stay employed. In short order, Stephanie set up a Fatal 4-Way for the Divas Championship later that night.

Despite it being every Diva for herself, it was clearly a match stacked in the favor of the second-generation Divas. That was only one of the reasons why the crowd was firmly behind Bayley for the majority of the match. In fact, she almost won...

...if not for the fact that instead of going for a pin on Natalya, Bayley instead tried to hug Charlotte, who was determined to go solo and finally escape her partner for good. Charlotte inevitably lost her patience and threw Bayley out of the ring, only to turn around and catch a superkick to the face.

Tamina walked away with her title, and though it took some prompting from Natalya, Charlotte eventually forgave Bayley, who of course hugged both of them.

It was an excellent showing for Tamina, who had needed no distractions from her manager to win. Which was not to say that he would never provide them, only that she would not necessarily have to depend on them.

Paige was waiting by Tamina's locker with a big smile. "So, feel like celebrating with me?" she asked.

"Why?" Tamina asked warily.

Paige rolled her eyes. "It's not like I'm gonna throw you down and pin you. It's the Divas title, not the Hardcore title."

"You couldn't pin me now if you weighed a ton," Tamina sneered.

"Right, then you have nothing to worry about. So come get drunk with me! We'll drink to your successful title defense, and to AJ. By the way, she made me promise to call her so she could personally congratulate you after you won. But I'm sure she'll like it much more if we call her from a bar that we're drinking in, together."

Tamina grunted. "Fine."

Paige grinned and slapped her on the shoulder. "And hey, it'll be my treat, Crabs!"

Witnesses would later swear that no matter how accidental Tamina claimed it had been, she had very nearly either beheaded Paige with the Divas belt, or else would have driven her head so hard into the locker that both would have been reduced to paste. But Paige had ducked, meaning instead of having to pay for her hospital bills, Tamina only had to pay to have the locker repaired and repainted. In any case, the incident was largely forgotten once they were both good and drunk.

But Paige never again called Tamina by _that_ pet name, unless she had a good, running head start.

**End of Match 3.**

* * *

**Continued in Match 4: The Punkie Brooks Open Challenge**

AJ is the Undisputed Queen of the Mind Games, but a new contender emerges. From inside her. It's her baby. Which delights in random tortures and knows no mercy. Divas will flee. Superstars will tap out. Paige... is ready for a fight. Let the "I Quit" match for AJ's heart commence.

* * *

Endnotes:

Am I the only one that finds it weird that Tamina was never Divas Champion? It really seems like WWE never knew what to do with her. And you wouldn't think it would be difficult, with her being the tallest, arguably strongest Diva around. I could even understand WWE wanting to give the impression that Tamina couldn't beat Paige or AJ, up to a point. But she's had other title shots, yet only wins where it doesn't count. And it's hard for me to accept that someone who supposedly excels in battle royales can't ever beat a single champion. So, because it may never happen otherwise, I gave Tamina the belt here. If for no other reason than her having the intestinal fortitude to wear AJ's T-shirts in larger sizes, while AJ was standing right there in the smaller sized, bare midriff version. Diesel never did that. Possibly because it would have taken him way too long to peel off all that stuff Shawn used to wear.

I paid no attention to NXT until very recently, so I had no idea who Bayley was, or whose shirt AJ was wearing in her last match. I just assumed AJ had a new shirt out, because she is a hugger. Anyway, now that I do pay attention to a small handful of women in NXT (that's all I can stand, really), I'm starting to get why AJ thought so highly of them. Hopefully WWE will do the same, but I won't hold my breath on that one.

The first time I saw Charlotte was in a Titantron on YouTube, and my first impression was, "Wow, she's really bendy." I almost had Paige assign her the pet name "Twinkie" but decided that "ladyfinger" sounded more elegant and befitting of a female Flair. Or at least not as insulting, yet equally filled with innuendo. Which you could argue is _also_ befitting of a Flair. Space Mountain, indeed.


	4. The Punkie Brooks Open Challenge, Part 1

Summary: CM Punk unleashes a very pregnant AJ upon an unsuspecting RAW backstage area.

Notes: Sorry for the delay, but several things happened to push this back: my new computer, Tamina's return, Samoa Joe finally in WWE, and a flood of NXTers on RAW. All of which are involved, so some rewriting was called for. Finally decided to just make this a multi-part chapter, so things wouldn't become too outdated.

* * *

**Fruitcake and Muffin's Nutty Frenemyship **

**A WWE Fanfic by **

**Nate Grey (xman0123-at-aol-dot-com)**  
**Match 4-1: The Punkie Brooks Open Challenge, Part 1**

* * *

"Marshmallows! We demand marshmallows swimming in ketchup!"

CM Punk winced, sighed, and stuck his head back into the refrigerator, welcoming the cool air. He had to remind himself, yet again, that they had agreed to this. They had both wanted at least one kid. After that, they would discuss the possibility of more.

He was having some serious doubts about that discussion, now.

AJ was pretty much always adorable. She was even more so now, waddling around with a potbelly and barking out orders at him.

That had stopped being fun after the first hour. The orders hadn't really stopped yet. He was starting to suspect that they weren't going to. Referring to herself in the plural sense was pretty weird, too. It was possible she was just talking about her and the baby, but he had begun to suspect that she meant her, the baby, and whatever demon was possessing them. That might also explain the unusual food orders, now that he thought about it.

"MARSHMALLOWS!" AJ bellowed from the living room.

Punk decided that he needed a diversion. Someone else for AJ and her passenger to focus on. Normally, he might consider himself a horrible person for even thinking it. But had hadn't become Mr. Money in the Bank multiple times by missing a superb chance when he saw it.

* * *

Paige was in a funky mood, which was not odd for her. Just as AJ had predicted, Paige had eventually gotten over the fact that AJ was no longer part of WWE. And really, it was a much better place to work because of the waves that AJ had made, not that it had exactly been horrible before that. Paige was just occasionally bummed that AJ wasn't there to share in how much more successful the Divas were, largely because of AJ.

Still, AJ did have a very good excuse now: she was pregnant with her first child. But as much as Paige wanted to take some time off so she could spoil her best friend, it wasn't possible. They had just started a storyline where Paige and Alicia Fox had joined Natalya to form a heel stable called the Hartbreakers, and the fans were loving it. Paige had already filled a duffle bag with Hartbreakers merchandise that she could present to AJ the next time they saw each other. She could have easily shipped it, but she loved to see AJ's face light up each time she caught a whiff of that new T-shirt scent.

Alicia, who had more or less filled the role of Paige's closest Diva pal, thought that Paige was a little obsessive about her friendship with AJ. On the other hand, Alicia also agreed that AJ was a little obsessive about Paige in return, so it tended to balance out. And CM Punk didn't seem to mind how nuts they were for each other, so no harm, no foul.

Natalya was of the firm opinion that they were all nuts, but she accepted them, anyway. She liked being the voice of reason whenever Paige was considering going a bit too far. She had vetoed the His, Hers, and Hers towel set for a wedding present, for example, even though AJ later admitted she thought the idea was cute. AJ also claimed that her husband was very open to the idea of Paige showering at their place so that she could use the aforementioned towels. Paige was less concerned about either of them peeping at her, and more concerned about what might happen to that towel once she left.

But Paige's current bad mood had more to do with the fact that she wanted to be with AJ during the pregnancy. Travel had become increasingly difficult in AJ's delicate condition, so unless Paige could find time to go see her, it likely wasn't going to happen until after the baby was born. AJ understood, had even said as much, but Paige felt like she was abandoning her best friend in a time of need. And while her work had not exactly suffered, nearly all of Paige's most recent opponents had complained of her being too eager to cause harm. If this had been because Paige was that devoted to entertaining the fans, it wouldn't have been a cause for concern.

Alicia and Natalya knew that Paige's sour attitude was due solely to AJ withdrawal. Their attempts to distract Paige were temporary at best, because Paige couldn't seem to go more than four or five hours without calling AJ. Normally, this might have been overkill, except that AJ welcomed the chance to complain about the restrictions involved in her pregnancy, and Paige was happy to listen. Which only further proved Alicia's theory that they were both so nuts that they were the only two on their particular wavelength.

* * *

AJ was very much aware that she had become a handful. But every time she started to feel sorry for her husband, a little voice in the direction of her tummy would remind her, "He did this to us. We demand vengeance!" And the sorry would go away, replaced by righteous rage and a curious hunger for ever curiouser food combinations.

It was in one of her lucid moments that AJ reminded her husband that they had tons of friends to call on, if he should ever need a break from her.

An hour later, AJ woke up in their van with no clear idea of where they were going, but it was clear that her husband seemed very happy about it.

"We're going to to Florida," he told her.

"Why?" AJ asked, although she could think of several things of interest in Florida: the WWE Performance Center, NXT tapings, Natalya's house, and most importantly, Paige's house.

"RAW is there," he replied. After a pause, he added under his breath, "In Tampa, in two weeks."

"Two weeks! What are we going to do in Florida for two weeks?"

"_We_ aren't doing anything. I figure it will take us a week just to get there without tearing each other apart. Once we're there, _I_ am going to Orlando. Alone. _You_ are going to hang out with whoever you want."

AJ might have been offended, except for the fact that she did want to hang out with her friends, few of whom had been exposed to her pregnancy hormones for an extended period, and thus were likely to be far more tolerant of her whims. Also, the thought of terrorizing new victims was oddly appealing.

* * *

**One Week Later...**

Corporate Kane was walking into the arena when he heard something that he rarely ever heard anywhere: someone quietly trying to get his attention.

"Pssst! Kane!"

He almost kept walking, sure that he'd heard wrong. But something made him turn around, only to find a certain woman walking up to him. She was shorter than him by far, quite pregnant, and wearing a rather unique T-shirt. It was black, and the bold, white letters just beneath the neck read "Big Diva" with an accompanying arrow pointing up at her head. The finishing touch were the letters across her belly, which read "Little Diva" and were accompanied by helpful handprint guides for anyone who wanted to feel the baby kick. Also she was smiling, as if happy to see him. That always took some getting used to while he was in character.

"Should you really be out alone in your condition, AJ?" Kane asked, trying to sound as stern as possible as she gave him a big hug. Lesser men had cowered at that tone. Naturally, it had no impact on her.

"But I'm not alone," AJ replied happily, looping her arm through his. "See?"

Kane sighed. "Yes, I see. Give me a minute to find you a wheelchair, and-"

"I don't need no stinking wheelchair! I've got a Big Red Machine willing to carry me anywhere I want!"

Though he probably should have seen that coming, Kane groaned. While it was true that he was only semi-active in the ring these days, just last week he had chokeslammed a man nearly twice AJ's current weight. He really had no good reason to turn her down. Which she had known all along. Left with no choice, Kane simply picked her up bridal style and started walking.

"Oh, wait! We have to stop by the concession stand!" AJ cried.

Kane gave her a flat stare. "We do?"

"Yeah, we do! Me and Punkie and hungry."

Kane looked as if he were having trouble breathing. "You and who?" he asked slowly.

"Punkie," AJ replied promptly, rubbing her belly. "That's what Phil and I agreed to call the baby that, until we decide on a proper name. And the best part is, it works for a boy and a girl."

"That," Kane responded, "is _your_ opinion."

* * *

One of the first things that Paige came to appreciate about WWE were its gentle giants. A good rule of thumb was that the bigger the man, the nicer he was, at least towards the Divas. She had gotten so used to joking around with guys like Kane and Big Show that by the time she met the Undertaker, other than being a little starstruck, she had no problem talking to him like a normal person. So the sight of a man that towered over her did not bother her as it would some women, and not just because she could easily defend herself.

Even so, there were times when a man of any size was simply not welcome. Like standing in front of a locker room clearly marked for Divas, and trying to look intimidating enough to scare them off. Although, since that man was Kane, he was doing a pretty good job before Paige walked up.

Then, however, he nearly collapsed in relief. "Oh, thank God you're here," he almost sobbed as he grabbed her arms. "Tell her somebody hit me with a chair. Several chairs. No, a dump truck. Anything, just make it sound good." And before Paige could ask what he was talking about, Kane ran like the hounds of hell were after him, no pun intended.

Shaking her head, Paige walked into the locker room, and was shocked by the sight that awaited her.

Nikki Bella had hoisted a very pregnant AJ across her shoulders, and was in the midst of delivering what could only be a painful Rack Attack no matter how careful they were.

Paige couldn't help her reaction, she charged forward, intent on snatching AJ away first and then possibly booting Nikki in the face, but thankfully, it never got that far.

"Muffin, _heel_!" AJ ordered.

Paige froze, though she had no idea why. "But, AJ!"

"But nothing! My back hasn't felt this good in weeks! Nikki, you have my permission to spit in her eyes if she tries to interfere."

Nikki managed an awkward smile. "Sorry, Paige, but she gave me sixty bucks and two jelly doughnuts to do this. So unless you've got a fresh dozen on you, she's the boss."

"But you're hurting her!" Paige cried.

"You'd think so, but she swears it feels great," Nikki added, giving AJ a gentle bounce on her shoulders. "Trust me, I thought she was kidding when she first suggested it. But she's pregnant and was willing to part with two doughnuts. How could I not take her seriously?"

"Muffin, me and Punkie are fine," AJ said. "Or we will be after another minute of this. You can help us down once we're done, if you're that worried. But Nikki has definitely earned godmother with this, so I hope you didn't have your heart set on it."

Paige wasn't worried, actually. She fully planned to be an overly active aunt to AJ's baby, which was better than godmother in her eyes.

Once Nikki was done, Paige helped her carefully set AJ back on the ground. The instant AJ was standing, Paige wrapped her up in a protective hug.

AJ rolled her eyes. "Paige, try to relax. I've handled way bigger bumps than this little one before."

Paige glared at her. "You shouldn't be doing things like this, AJ! You have to be more careful!"

AJ frowned. "Nikki, could you leave us alone, please? I have a feeling that there's about to be some yelling. You might warn Kane about that on your way out."

"He's gone already, probably because the way you're acting freaked him out, too!" Paige snapped.

AJ pursed her lips. "Yup, we're definitely due for some yelling. Thanks again, Nikki."

Nikki glanced uneasily between them, then quickly made her escape.

AJ simply stared at Paige for a long moment, saying nothing.

"Well?" Paige finally asked.

"I want to yell at you. I should yell at you. You deserve it, for accusing me of being careless with Punkie." AJ paused and took in a slow, deep breath, then released it.

Paige's hands instinctively moved to caress AJ's belly. By the time it had occurred to Paige that AJ might not welcome the contact, given her current mood, AJ's hands had already come to rest gently on top of Paige's, prolonging the contact.

"But you're my muffin, so I know you're only this worried because you love us so much," AJ continued calmly. "So I won't yell at you, and I won't ask you to apologize. I came here because I thought this would be a nice surprise for you. But if we're going to argue, I'd rather just leave."

"No, don't," Paige pleaded. "I'm sorry, AJ. It's just that I haven't been around you lately, and while I know someone had to be taking care of you, I also know it wasn't me, so I don't how you've been, or if-"

"Phil takes very good care of us," AJ interrupted.

"Is he here somewhere?"

"No," AJ admitted. "We've been a bit much to deal with, and he needed a break. I can't blame him for that. He knew we'd be in good hands here, and we are. And he can hardly be a lousy provider if he provided us with a chance to spend time with you."

"I guess so," Paige muttered reluctantly.

"I know so," AJ insisted. "Now, while we've got you here, there is something very important that Punkie and I want to ask you."

Paige smiled. "Punkie's a pretty smart kid if he's already talking."

AJ stuck her tongue out. "Very funny. I'll have you know that Punkie is a girl. I've known that for weeks."

"You never told me!" Paige complained at once.

"Well, Punkie likes her nickname, and I wanted to keep her proper name a secret, at least until I could ask you about it."

"Why would you need to ask me? She's your baby."

"And I'd like her to have your names. Some of them, anyway."

Paige stared at her. "Wait... what?"

AJ grinned. "Britani Saraya Brooks."

Paige's mouth fell open. "I... but that's..."

"Yeah?" AJ asked excitedly.

"AJ, you... you don't have to do that," Paige said weakly.

"I know I don't _have_ to. But I _want_ to."

"You do?" Paige whispered.

"Yeah, I do. Why are you so surprised?"

"But I'm not even a good friend!" Paige cried.

AJ blinked a few times. "What, you mean because of what just happened? I'm already over that."

"No! I let you go through this pregnancy alone, and it-"

"Um, Paige. You have a job. I know that, because I used to have the exact same one. It's tough to get time off whenever you want, and I didn't expect you to just hang with me for nine months. I love you way too much to ask you to do that. Phil loves me bunches, and even he couldn't stand it without a break. And I have to say, being able to watch you on TV makes me so proud of you, so I wouldn't want you to stop. You are not a bad friend. I wouldn't name my kid after a bad friend. I would have thought that was obvious."

"But won't Phil mind?" Paige asked.

"He gets to name the next kid, so then we'll be even."

"But you could have a daughter named after another Diva."

AJ laughed. "Muffin, Phil has a ton of guts, but he's not stupid. Anyway, he was totally fine with naming Punkie after you. He likes you. Thinks you're hot."

Paige blushed. "I'm sorry."

"For what? I agreed with him. We voted and everything."

"AJ! That's so _weird_!" When AJ didn't seem convinced, Paige went on. "Well, it should be! I mean, you'd never talk about the size of his goodies with me!"

AJ rolled her eyes. "Paige, you're more interested in _my_ goodies. Why would I discuss Phil's with you? You'd probably get bored, and I take pride in never being boring."

"That's not the point!"

"Are you actually offended because I said you were hot?"

Paige shook her head. "No, I'm frustrated because there's no way for me to win this fight!"

"So maybe you should just let it go?" AJ suggested.

Paige pouted. "I don't want to. I don't like losing unless I get paid for it."

"Oh, is that all? Here, then." AJ adjusted Paige's hand so that it was resting on one of the handprints on her shirt. "Punkie, say hi to your Auntie Paige."

To Paige's shock, she felt an immediate flutter beneath her hand. "AJ, did she just-?"

"I always put the phone close to her when you call. She knows your voice."

"Why would you do that?"

AJ smiled. "Why wouldn't I? Are you going somewhere?"

"No, of course not."

"Then you'll be here once Punkie comes out, and she can put a face to the voice." AJ squeezed Paige's hand. "I know I can count on you, muffin. Once Punkie learns that, I'm sure she'll love you as much as I do."

Paige smiled hesitantly. "Do you think... could I talk to her?"

"Sure. Just pretend I'm not here."

"AJ, do you have any idea how much I think about you when you're not here?"

"Good point. But I was trying to give you a sense of privacy when you talk to Punkie, Paige."

Paige shook her head. "Why? Neither of us has any secrets from you."

AJ opened her mouth to disagree, then caught the very heartfelt and genuine look on Paige's face and decided against it. "Really, muffin," AJ murmured, brushing at her eyes. "First you call yourself a bad friend, then you don't want Punkie to be named after you, and now you say something sweet like that. It's not nice to make a pregnant woman cry, you know."

Paige instantly moved to hug her, but AJ gently pushed her away.

"You're supposed to be talking to Punkie. She doesn't like being ignored."

Paige knelt down so that she was at eye level with AJ's belly, and gently laid her head against it. "Hi, Punkie," she said, then laughed when she felt another flutter against her cheek. "I'm your mum's best friend. Well, one of them, but if you can get the other one to do this, you have to promise to let me be there to see it. I don't really know what else to say, but we'll have plenty of time to talk once you join us out here. So, um, safe trip and all that." She pressed a soft kiss against AJ's belly. "Love you, mini-pumpkin."

From above her, AJ sniffled loudly. "You're making me jealous of my own baby. It's weird."

Paige stood up and kissed AJ's cheek. "You know that I'll hold you and kiss you as much as you want, AJ."

"Maybe later. I suddenly have a craving for chocolate ice cream."

"Okay, we can-"

"With hot sauce. And cheddar cheese. Maybe some guacamole on top."

Paige made a face. "AJ, you know I'll do anything for you. But I can't wait until you're done with this pregnancy, so I can finally eat off your plate safely again. You are _so_ on your own with that ice cream."

**End of Match 4, Part 1.**

* * *

Endnotes:

I'm still surprised every time I see Nikki Bella pick up a Diva. She doesn't exactly resemble Lex Luger (though she does seem determined to borrow his lingo: first Rack Attack, now calling Team Bella the "total package"). Mind you, I'm sure it helps that these are Divas she's picking up, but still. WWE got rid of the one Diva who was easily capable of it, more than likely because she looked easily capable of it, and that isn't what they usually go for. Anyway, AJ was always small even for a Diva, so I wouldn't expect picking her up, even pregnant, would be much more of a burden for Nikki.

Well, how timely. I wish for Tamina, and she appears on RAW the following week. Even better, I was hoping that they'd find a way to make Naomi's heel turn seem more legit, so two birds with one stone.

Okay, it's weird that I came up with the Hartbreakers right around the time Tamina returned, so before WWE started pushing three Diva trios on us. Not the first time that's happened, either. I'm less mad about that and more annoyed that Bayley wasn't called up as well. No Smug and Hugs for us. Yet! Haven't thought up any AJ-approved cutesy food name for the other NXTers, suggestions welcomed.


	5. The Punkie Brooks Open Challenge, Part 2

Summary: AJ is allowed and encouraged to terrorize her husband's old friends. And Punkie makes her debut.

* * *

**Muffin and Fruitcake's Nutty Frenemyship**

**A WWE Fanfic by**

**Nate Grey (xman0123-at-aol-dot-com)**

**Match 4-2: The Punkie Brooks Open Challenge, Part 2**

* * *

"I can't believe I'm taking a Lamaze class with Samoa Joe!" Paige gushed for the third time in five minutes.

AJ pouted at her. "You're also taking them with me. You remember, your pregnant best friend? Pretty sure you couldn't even get through the door without me."

"But Samoa Joe is right there!" Paige squealed in AJ's ear.

AJ rolled her eyes. "It's almost as if I picked up the phone and asked him to come with us. Oh, wait. I did. Now, calm down, please. I'm the only one allowed to be hysterical around here."

Paige did not calm down, although she couldn't really help it. She had been a fan of Samoa Joe for a long time, and was honestly a little annoyed that AJ had failed to mention that he was a close friend (of CM Punk, although AJ delighted in treating such people as manservants during her pregnancy) earlier. In fact, the only reason Paige had found out at all was because Joe was also Punkie's godfather, which Nikki Bella had actually mentioned in passing, as if it wasn't a big deal. Some godmother _she_ was shaping up to be, not knowing who Samoa Joe was.

AJ was being nearly as bad, treating Joe like a regular guy. Granted, he had known Punk for a long time, so AJ was clearly used to being around him. But Paige wasn't, and the first time she'd heard AJ call him "Just Joe", Paige had nearly shrieked at her. Joe didn't actually seem to care either way, but Paige felt like she had to be offended for him.

And since AJ knew it was driving Paige nuts, she kept at it.

"Paige, remember. He's Just Joe. Everyday Joe. Joe Nobody."

"He's _Samoa Joe_!" Paige hissed. "The man is... whatever you call a legend before they actually become old enough to be a legend, he's that! And then some! He's amazing! He's incredible! He's-!"

"_Trying_ to pay attention, since clearly neither of you is going to," Joe muttered.

AJ grinned at him. "That's why we brought you: to take notes while we gossip and miss everything important."

"I can't believe you actually paid for this class."

"I can't believe you actually agreed to come with us. How empty was your schedule?"

"I'll have you know that I passed up a phone call with Triple H for this."

"Aw, that's sweet. Promise to tell me how his face looks when you tell him why you bailed?"

Joe snorted. "I don't know what you mean. I'm telling him I went to a Lamaze class, as a favor for a friend. That's it."

AJ shook her head in disgust. "Chicken Joe. That's your new name."

"AJ!" Paige hissed.

"It's fine, I'm used to it," Joe assured her. "I just keep her around because she's pretty. Gives me something to focus on when she's being evil."

In Paige's opinion, it was a sign of how truly evil AJ was that she simply smirked and accepted the compliment. Both of them.

* * *

Paige had agreed not to lose her temper with AJ again until after the baby was born, but in exchange, AJ had to relax and let people help her more. Which AJ took to mean that if she wasn't allowed to entertain herself, then those around her had to provide constant amusement for her. This was largely accomplished by a near endless stream of visitors, most of them bearing their signature merchandise in both baby and maternity (or more precisely, Mark Henry) sizes.

Fortunately, Paige found she didn't need to worry as much about AJ being alone. Joe's WWE contract was far more open-ended, which allowed him chances to work for other promotions, and more importantly, to vist AJ where Paige could not. He was a perfect bodyguard, all things considered. Joe was a berserker in the ring, but extremely level-headed outside of it. His size and overall appearance made him intimidating no matter where he was. Anyone who didn't instantly give in to AJ's will would certainly bow in the face of Joe's.

And as was usually the case with AJ, she adored a person that others feared. To be fair, Joe never actually tried to scare her. Perhaps he knew it would have been pointless, or he just liked her as much as she liked him. Anyway, AJ having Joe around to rely on made Paige feel a lot better about not always being around AJ herself.

By the time AJ's due date was less than a week away, Paige had fallen into a near-daily habit of calling Joe, who fielded most of AJ's calls and allowed few people direct access to her. Often AJ was sleeping or otherwise occupied, and sometimes Paige found herself calling merely to talk to Joe, who had trained in a variety of styles, and didn't mind sharing helpful hints with her. Naturally, Paige couldn't actually use most of them on the other Divas, but if she ever got into a genuine fight, that would be a different story.

* * *

AJ's final day of pregnancy was not going at all how she had planned.

She had a bag, packed in advance, for the hospital stay, placed near her front door. That was about all that had gone right.

Her husband had a UFC thing to do, which was fine. He could get back in a hurry if needed. AJ had plans to spend the day at home, with Brie Bella and Daniel Bryan. Or Brie and Daniel Bryan. Or Brie and Bryan Danielson. Or Brie and Bryan Bella. AJ kept mixing up their names, depending on her mood. After an hour of this, they were practically begging her to call them Hairy Cheesecake, her original nickname for them.

AJ was actually considering their request when the serious contractions started to hit her. After that, she was too focused on screaming at them to consider anything, or to be even remotely considerate. To their credit, they had managed to carry her into the rental car and drive her to the hospital despite the yelling, cursing, and punching. She would have to remember to send them a nice card.

Samoa Joe met them at the hospital, dragging along a doctor with a notably rumpled look about him. If nothing else, the doctor was still standing, one of the more obvious signs of a civilian who had not recently endured a Muscle Buster.

Once AJ was settled into a bed, she thought briefly of calling Paige, but decided against it. That would be a huge distraction, and instead of a progress report, she would rather give Paige the news that Punkie had been born and was waiting to meet her.

However, AJ had not counted on Brie texting everyone she knew. In Brie's defense, she was trying to protect herself and her husband. After seeing Joe actually wince while AJ crushed his hand during a contraction, Brie had decided to throw anyone she could find between AJ and herself.

* * *

Paige had found that working for WWE was a lot like being in school: the less she saw of the top people running the place, the more likely she was doing her job well. Stephanie would occasionally sit down with all of the Divas at once just to check in, but generally one-on-one conversations were not good unless the wrestler initiated them. And that was something that only the top stars of the company usually did.

Which was not to say that she had never had pleasant talks with Triple H and Vince. Just that being asked or told to meet them in an office was almost never a social call.

The only good indicator about the current such time was that Tamina had also been told to attend. So at worst, they might get fired together, which was unlikely. Tamina's contract was rumored to be ironclad, or maybe it just seemed that way with Paul Heyman in her corner.

"I have good news and bad news," Stephanie began.

"Bad news first," Tamina immediately said.

Stephanie blinked a few times. "Well, that messes up the order, but fine. The bad news is, you can only stay for two days."

Paige frowned. "What?"

"I told you, Tamina messed up the order. The good news is, AJ's in labor as we speak, and I'm letting you two go visit. I don't want anyone else complaining, so take lots of pictures to show everyone. And just so we're clear, if AJ plans on having another kid, next time only one of you goes, so work that out in advance."

Paige didn't complain. Technically, they were only supposed to get time off for pregnancies if the mother was a relative or spouse, so Stephanie was really being nice about it.

"Why didn't AJ tell us this herself?" Paige asked.

Stephanie shook her head. "My last pregnancy is a little blurry, but I'm pretty sure I was in no shape to notify anyone. I got a text from Brie a few minutes ago. I've already spoken to Heyman, and he has a car outside waiting to take you to the airport. Get your stuff and get out of here."

"Thanks, Steph," Paige murmured, her mind still whirling from the news.

Tamina threw her arm roughly around Paige's neck. "AJ's tough. She'll be insulted that we worried at all."

"Yeah, you're right," Paige agreed, more because she didn't want it to turn into a full-on headlock.

* * *

It was not uncommon for women in labor to request or demand drugs to dull the pain. AJ was... different. Pain, she was used to. She didn't like it, but she'd been trained to work through it, so she could. The problem was that she was surrounded by people, all telling her what to do. She wanted them to be in pain, too.

So instead of asking her husband to hold her hand, she grabbed him by the collar, pulled him in close, and whispered something in his ear.

CM Punk blinked, took a long look at the slightly crazed glint in his wife's eyes, and said, "Say again, please?"

AJ repeated herself. "Put some guy in a chokehold. I don't care who. I just want someone else to hurt."

After a pause, CM Punk glanced around the busy hospital room: at the doctor, and the nurses, who were all vital to his wife having a successful delivery. "Be right back," he promised, giving her a peck on the cheek and then stepping out into the hallway.

He was ambushed immediately by Brie Bella, Daniel Bryan, and Samoa Joe, all who wanted to know how AJ and the baby were doing. Being short on time, he ignored their questions and simply said, "She wants to see me choke someone out. It can't be anyone who works here: we need them, and they couldn't sell it properly, anyway. So I need a volunteer."

After a short pause, Daniel Bryan and Samoa Joe began a few rounds of Rock, Paper, Scissors, with Daniel coming up short. Groaning, he allowed CM Punk to drag him into the hospital room. After giving the medical staff a strict order to "pay no attention to the men in the corner", the choking began. Punk had to give Daniel credit, his performance would definitely earn him the Slammy for Best Match In An Entirely Inappropriate Setting. Other than a few mildly distracted glances, the delivery proceeded smoothly after that.

* * *

"I just saw Punkie. She looks like a raisin. The biggest, pinkest, most beautiful raisin I've ever seen."

AJ slowly cracked open one eye. "Paige, keep insulting my baby, and I'll throw my afterbirth at you."

"It wasn't an insult," Paige replied, leaning over the bed to drop a kiss on AJ's forehead. "She really does look like a raisin. What else would you expect to come out of a fruitcake but more fruit?"

"Cute," AJ said sourly. "You're lucky I'm too exhausted to hit you."

"You can dropkick me as soon as you're back in shape," Paige promised. "I still can't believe you actually named her after me."

"Why? I told you I would, and that I liked the name."

"I was kinda hoping that Punkie would catch on."

"Oh, we'll still call her that, but she'll need a proper name for school." AJ reached over and grasped Paige's hand. "Muffin, I'm so glad you and Crabbycake were able to come."

"You can thank Steph for that, she was really sweet about letting us go. Maybe because she's been through this, too. I took a ton of pictures to show the girls."

"Good, Nattie kept bugging me about that."

Paige gently plucked at AJ's sleeve. "Just one thing, though. What's with this glittery blue hoodie?"

AJ beamed at her. "Like it? It was a present from the other AJ."

Paige snorted. "You mean AJ Styles? Did you actually hunt that poor man down just because he had the same name?"

"No!" AJ cried, trying her best to sound offended. "He called Joe, and I was in the room, so I asked for the phone, and told him he owed me a present for making me look bad."

"He did no such thing."

"He took 'phenomenal' before I could, and you can't really top that. So he sent me this glitter hoodie to make up for it. It's even got my name on the back."

Paige smirked. "Are you sure it's not just one of his old ones with _his_ name on the back?"

AJ rolled her eyes. "I'm sure. It had a new hoodie smell. And it says 'The Even More Phenomenal AJ Brooks' on the back. Per my instructions."

Paige laughed. "You're terrible, AJ."

"I am not. I didn't make him include one for Punkie. He did that on his own. Or maybe Joe _convinced_ him for me, I'm not too clear on that part."

* * *

Even though they were separated by a window and several feet of space, Tamina and Punkie had bonded remarkably fast. At least, Tamina thought so. Already she had made great progress in teaching Punkie her very first gimmick.

Tamina would scowl at Punkie.

Punkie would scowl back at Tamina.

This went on for nearly an hour, to the point where several new parents and nurses complained. Tamina turned her scowl on them, and the complaints faded very quickly.

The lesson was still going on when Paige finally returned. "Wow. You really caught baby fever, huh, Tamina?"

"Don't be stupid," Tamina snapped. "It's just because she's AJ's kid, that's all."

"Sure," Paige said, clearly amused as she strolled over to Tamina's side. "Well, we promised AJ that we'd get Punkie's new room ready, so say bye to her for now."

Tamina grumbled a bit, but turned back to the window. "We'll pick up the lesson later, Punkie. Don't forget: Best in the Ward."

"Aw, that's so cute!" Paige cooed. "You should put that on a baby T-shirt, AJ will love it."

Tamina grumbled a bit more, but Paige now knew her well enough to tell the difference between regular grumbling and pleased grumbling.

"See you soon, mini-pumpkin," Paige promised, pressing a loud kiss against the glass.

Punkie stared, more than a little confused. This was the first real act of affection she had ever seen, having been wailing, otherwise distracted, or asleep the rest of the time. There had certainly been nothing like it in Tamina's lesson, and Punkie had no idea what to make of it. Ultimately, she decided that the person in question did not seem to be adequately frightening, or frightened of her.

This would not do at all.

Then and there, Punkie decided that Paige was her rival. It would have been a more impressive declaration, perhaps, if Punkie had been more than a day old at the time. Or if she could actually speak, stand, or move more than a few inches without aid. But still, it was a declaration, and she planned to be rather stubborn about it, especially since she was the only one even aware of it.

Paige waved to Punkie one last time and tugged Tamina along by the arm, to the immense relief of nearly everyone else nearby. That is, until Punkie began to scowl at the other babies. The maternity ward was quickly filled with even more howling babies, with far messier diapers.

Armed with her new Snuka stare, and surrounded by the intoxicating stench of urine and fear, Punkie smiled smugly and drifted into a peaceful sleep. And she slept, secure in the knowledge that it would not be the last time.

**End of Match 4-2.**

* * *

**Continued in Match 4-3.**

Punkie is not overly fond of Paige, who doesn't know what to do about it. But AJ knows that the best way to end a fight between two babyfaces, is to introduce a new heel. And while Punkie doesn't like Paige, she really doesn't like the idea of PJ, her new little brother. But the jump from Brooks Family Wrestling to the Anti-Diva Alliance is not so easly made.

* * *

Endnotes/Rants:

I wanted to get this part out before the next episode of Total Divas. I'd feel weird doing it afterward. I have been a fan of Samoa Joe for years, and he has immense respect for wrestling and other wrestlers. As such, if his finisher was repeatedly injuring people, he would have stopped using it. Tyson getting injured in their match was a freak accident. Or Tyson having more bad luck with injuries. I still don't understand why they were in a match together at all. But I would bet that their unfamiliarity with each other was to blame.

There actually is a pretty good chance that AJ Lee met AJ Styles, at least once, before CM Punk came into the picture. I only thought of it because of a cute little meme image that I saw once. Wish I'd saved it.

Yes, I know newborns can't actually plot. It's a fanfic involving arguably crazy people, people. Not all of it is going to make sense, or have a firm basis in reality.

**Why Nikki Shouldn't Break AJ's Record:**

Crossing my fingers that WWE does not allow Nikki Bella to upset AJ's reign. And it's nothing personal against her. I feel that Nikki deserves to be a multi-time Divas champ. But AJ went to NXT, defended her title in NXT, and promoted NXT on TV. Nikki has barely mentioned NXT at all and has had virtually nothing to do with it. Which is a bad move, since NXT needs promotion and Bellas are all about promoting (themselves). So it really looks like WWE is trying to erase AJ's record as soon as possible. I really hope that isn't the case, because I can think of only one reason they would do that, and I like to think they're better than that. Despite all evidence to the contrary. I think the woman who beats AJ's record should be someone who came up through NXT, preferably someone she mentioned by name as being the division's future champion, and most importantly, someone who still has several years left to give to the WWE. I don't think it should be someone with no connection to NXT, who is likely on her way out. If WWE wants to give the Bellas a legacy, let it be Total Divas.

**Chyna vs. Sunny for the Hall of Fame: **

Triple H says Chyna can't go into the Hall of Fame because of what comes up when you Google her. Which is a valid reason, but likely not the authentic one. Consider: Chyna, part of a history-changing stable that in all likelihood will go into the HOF soon, wrestled men, held the IC title, can't be inducted because of porn. Sunny, given credit as the first Diva, in the HOF, has openly talked about possibly selling her HOF ring, and is now in talks with the porn industry. Trust me, if you Google Sunny, you can find plenty to make her HOF spot debatable. My point is simple: if Chyna can't go in because of porn, Sunny never should have gotten in. But if Chyna can't go in because of her past with Triple H and Stephanie, just say so and don't smokescreen. Triple H as good as said that being in the HOF primarily comes down to three things: do they deserve it, do they want it, and do we want it. It isn't about what people did, because clearly exceptions can be made. It's about being on good terms with the people who run the place, his stories about Bruno and Warrior prove that. I'll give Sunny credit for the things she did right, but she was a valet, and Chyna was a wrestler. Nobody is going through NXT out of desire to be a valet, and they would only end up that way if things went wrong. Sunny made it easier for women to be valets. Chyna made it easier for them to be wrestlers and champions, and DX shouldn't go into the HOF without her. Even if that means it doesn't happen until someone else is in charge.


End file.
